A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a 4 year relationship with a man and we have a 4 year old son together. I am 24 and he is 33 but the problem is he still lives at home with his parents. He lives and works an hour away from me and and we only get to see him 2 days a week. He has been making excuses up the last 4 years as to why he can't move in with us. When he is here he is either watching TV or spends all his time at the tab. He also gets invited to go to friend's weddings and fuctions but I get no invite and he goes without me.I am at the point where I am sick of it I have tried talking to him about it but he thinks it's a joke so what should I do now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I cannot believe you have tolerated this for so long - 6 months maybe but not 4 years. Stop calling him, stop inviting him over or visiting him. See what reaction you get. Give him an ultimatum and tell him you have had enough. Mean it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): My dear he is using you plus with the way he only spends a dew hours he has someone else to me it seems. And my question is in that time how much does he really spend with his son because, that is the one that really needs a relationship with him. But, pick yourself up get more beautiful and leave that jerk living with his parents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): What you don't say is that you have been accepting excuses for the last four years. Why did you let this happen? We can't tell what the matter is for sure, it may be he is not ready to form a family or probably does not want to. I think you should decide what you wish to do and take into account the time you are investing into a relationship that brings you nowhere. Ultimatums are usually not a bright idea but you should definitely act more resolutely and demand to be told where you stand so you can both have more chances to achieve what you are looking for. Ask him why he doesn't want to create a more meaningful relationship to give yourselves a chance to grow and mature, to see how you get along by sharing a house and look for immediate results and conclusions. If he doesn't see a future for you as a family in the real sense of the word than it's best for both of you to continue searching on your own. Don't accept to be strung along. The fact that he's been taking this issue jokingly for such a long time tells me he doesn't have your best interest at heart. It is time for a serious talk because you have reached a fork in the road.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): I want to add something to what emilyanswers has said - I can't. Ask yourself what are you getting from this? An hour away is nothing, 2 days a week etc. Split up and get someone to have a life with, rather than the half life you have now with him. Hugs OS.x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 February 2009):
This doesn't even sound like a relationship to me... you're just a place he goes to watch TV sometimes.
If he doesn't treat you like a couple and his friends don't even see you as serious enough to invite you to things then there is something very very wrong here.
I honestly think you should consider splitting up with him, to be honest I don't think you'll notice much of a difference when you do. He'll still come and visit your little one, AND you can send the little one to him and his parents every now and then and have a life of your own back for a couple of days.
Do you really feel like his girlfriend? Would you rather not have the chance to find REAL man who would take care of you and not treat you like a hotel?
It's a RIGHT and a DUTY for him to be with his son and provide and spend time with him. It's a PRIVILEGE for him to be with you, and if he doesn't treat you right then kick him out and find someone better.
Good Luck!! xx
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