A
female
age
41-50,
*ooker
writes:After 6 months together, my boyfriend had to take a job 1000 miles away. From the beginning he said he wanted to stay together, exclusive, and after I'm done with grad school he hoped I'd move out there with him. Slowly I let myself become vulnerable and realize yes, this is what I want. I'll be able to move in a few months, which means about 6 months of us doing the long-distance thing. We usually talk as if we're going to get married, and we're both in our early 30's so we're not naive kids. But last night he dropped the bomb on me that he is nervous about my move - the jobs I'll sacrifice for him, how we've only been together 7-8 months and still getting to know each other, how he's nervous about whether it'll really work out. He hasn't been sleeping, etc etc. I had no idea he had these doubts. I would be making a sacrifice for him, but the way I see it, to not move and break up would be the stupidest cowardly move and no dream job would make up for losing him. Since this is all over the phone, it seems so huge! I feel like the relationship is shaky now, all of a sudden and I don't know how to resolve it over the phone - we're so perfect when we're together but I can't go see him for another 3 weeks. I'm worried he'll keep working himself up into a frenzy and ruin this. He says he wants it to work out but keeps having this nagging restlessness about it. I don't know whether to say "I'm not going anywhere, let's work through this" or not try to 'convince' him of anything and insist on breaking up if he's not sure about stuff anymore. This guy and I are magical together and he agrees. I do n't want to lose him!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): I think its quite natural that hes having doubts, you are making a big sacrifice and its a big deal generally so hes bound to be worried incase you take all these risks and it doesnt work out, dont be offended by him having these doubts, its not a reflection of his feelings for you but a reflection of his personality. I think you should go for the "I'm not going anywhere, let's work through this" option as you clearly are a good couple. And he obviously cares about you if he suggested the whole long distance staying exclusive thing so i think you should try to help him get over his doubts, and tell him that it will be worth it as giving up before you've even tried would be a mistake and, as you said, cowardly. Good luck! xxx
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