A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I'm just looking for some sort of help or advice. This girl was in love with me a few months ago but I was going through a lot at the time and just declined a relationship with her. We remained good friends and we love and care about each other very much. Now that I'm no longer dealing with said problems, I've fell in love with her and she's admitted that she's falling back in love with me. We've been spending almost nonstop amounts of time together from morning to night, to falling asleep together, and repeating it again. She seriously means everything to me. We've even talked about our future, picked out baby names, etc. The problem is, she has a boyfriend. She's admitted that she also loves him and doesn't want to have to choose between us because one of our hearts would be broken. Her boyfriend is very uncaring and pushes all of their problems on her. With me, whenever she's down about it I keep her smiling and happy and I'm working hard to fix the problems we had before. Her boyfriend also knows that we've been spending time together so it's not like she's being unfaithful or cheating. I feel like her boyfriend is the type of person to be selfish and ignorant until she's ready to leave him, then make it seem like he's changed only to keep repeating the process and dragging it out. Whenever I'm with her and she gets a call from him and I hear them saying that they love each other it kills me on the inside. I honestly don't know what to do. I love her with all of my heart but I have a feeling in the back of my mind that she won't choose me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 December 2012):
Hi there. There is no point in wanting her to choose between you, as she does have a boyfriend, and this is standing in the way of you and her really being together as a couple.
So with that being the case, you can only continue to be friends with her, the way you currently are.
Eventually, she will have to make a choice, because she is keeping the two of you hanging, by NOT deciding.
And he does know she is spending some time with you, doesn't he?
And nor can you force her to make a decision, because that would only cause other problems.
If you try and give her an ultimatum - "Him or Me?" - that will just put her on edge and trying to make a very hurried decision, which isn't well thought out, and would not have a good outcome, anyway.
So for that reason, don't go down that path, at all.
It's going to take time, no matter what.
So in the meantime, you are going to have to be very patient with her, and be content to be ONLY a friend to her.
The reality is, that you really have no other option.
So just be friendly towards her, but no pressure on her at all to decide.
This is REALLY important.
Eventually, she will know when it is time to make up her mind.
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