A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know I will be judged for what I am about to write, but I am just looking for open minded opinions.I am a 37 year old female, have been seeing a 39 year old married man. I was in a relationship myself (not married, but dated and lived together for 10 year) My ex found out about my affair, we trued to work things out , but I couldn't . I felt he deserve a better chance at finding someone who would love him for all the wonderful things he is. Plus I couldn't stop myself from seeing my lover. To make the story short, I stayed in the same house with the same things that once were my ex's and mine. Deep down inside I still care for my Ex. I have never Invited any other men to my house not even my lover, recently my lover has become very jealous and he want's to come over, I actually don't want him to for the following reasons:1. Once he said that he knew how to harm a person and he said that I make him think bad things, because he doesn't want to share me with anyone else.2. He said initially prefer not to know where I lived, because he didn't know what he could be capable of if I ever hurt him, so the less he knew of me the better.3. He recently his showed me a very scary side of him, He loosed his temper very easily and does not listen to the other person, that being me. If I don't pick up the phone he tells, he starts to feel sick and starts to think bad things and gets very angry.4. and the very last thing. I caused a lot of hurt to my ex-boyfriend, with my betrayal, he walked away living me the house,(I pay for the mortgage now) When he walked away, he never said a rude thing to me. He wished me luck and told me to take care of myself , he said he was sorry,that maybe he didn't love me the way I wanted to be loved, but that he loved and cared for me the only way he new how to. My attraction to my lover was mostly physical at first,but with time I have fallen in love with him, he says he loves me very much also. I know he will never leave his wife, his made that very clear. I shared this home with my ex for 9 years and cant bring myself to bring another man into the house, the bed that I once shared with a man who I know still loves me and deep down inside I care very much for. Maybe it's my guilty conscience. I feel that if I bring my lover into my home with my ex living a few blocks away is like slapping him in the face one more time. How do I tell my lover sorry, you cant visit me at home without him getting angry and accusing me of doing bad. We always spend time in a Hotel it's been like this for years now, but recently he want's to come to my home. I will never go to his home though he says that is his family (he's and his wives house and I have to respect that.Thank you for reading and any advice will help.(stupid in love)
View related questions:
affair, jealous, married man, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): well i am not going to tell u to leave your married man BECAUSE I KNOW U WONT!!!
but i want to tell u that one day soon, you will get to experience his temper, his DARK SIDE and then, and only then will all the other Aunts good advice hit home. for now, you will not learn until it is too late.
oh and that feeling guilty to bring your married lover home, is just hogwash, there is no honour in infedility. whether u are having sex with this mm in a hotel or your home, makes no difference. so cut the crap about your ex and guilt. you are still doing the deed and IF YOU REALLY DID HAVE A CONSCIOUS well then, you know what u should have done.
Bottom line: this affair works for u because u do not have to account for your wrongdoing. no matter what any of the advice gets across to you, u will continue as u please until you cross this man and well, then it is too late.
not to scare you but some women have been left in morgue bags after their bad boy lovers show them whose the boss.
i agree with the Aunts: re read what u wrote. then visualise the damage. its not a pretty sight!
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is a dangerous situation. I know it will be hard but cut off ALL contact with this man. He is dangerous. Re-read what you wrote you know he's a dangerous man that's why you're reluctant to invite him to your home. What will he do to you if you refuse him access to your home? What will he do to you if you ever break it off and he knows where you live?
If you break it off now you have your safe environment of your home to be in. Get out Now, while you still can.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): leave this guy. He's violent and scary. By continuing a relationship with him you're putting your safety at risk.
he's also a liar and a cheating because he's still married and yet wants to continue a relationship with you indefinitely.
he's being unfair to you because he's making demands of you that he is not willing to do himself.
Even if you were to let him into your house, where do you see this relationship going since he refuses to leave his wife?
Stop seeing him, and find someone better than him.
...............................
A
female
reader, based51  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I think you need to ask yourself what you find so appealing about this man. By wanting him you're denying yourself several things:
- a real relationship
- a decent man
- the chance of actually being loved in whole back
You had a man that appears to have been very good to you, yet you jepordized that for someone who sounds like he isn't worth even thinking about. Why? Perhaps you feel that you didn't deserve what you had, and went in search of a relstionship that would put you in a place you felt was proper for you? Or maybe it's as simple as you thought the grass was greener on the other side and covet what you can't have. Whichever it is, take a step back and look at things as they are. Is a man that can only give you a fraction of his attention really worth your whole heart? If the answer is no then I suggest you take a step away from him, because you're doing YOURSELF a dishonour by settling for so little.
...............................
A
male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (26 July 2011):
Do more than run. Get on a plane move do what ever you need to but get as far away from him as you can. He is very very bad news now and in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately this guy sounds like bad news.
First of all you have broken up a serious relationship for him and he's told you outrightly that he won't do the same for you. Ever. Is that enough for you? If you're really in love with this guy then is being the other woman truly going to make you happy long-term? Have a serious think about that one.
Secondly and far more importantly, the man is threatening to hurt you. And you feel scared of him. And he's tells you that he's capable of violence and that you're pushing him to that for not answering the phone. If someone else said their boyfriend was doing these things what would you tell them to do? I don't think you should let him into your house, not because of the respect for your old partner, but for your personal safety. You don't know what this man is capable of, and if he comes into you're home as opposed to a hotel you are defenseless. It's very difficult when it's someone you care so deeply about but you have to get away from him before he does you more psychological damage let alone the physical damage that is sure to come. I know how hard it is when you love someone, but you need to detach from this man, and do so in a way that is safe. Stay with friends perhaps? You may need to protect yourself against him whether you are leaving him, or having him round, so why not do it now before things get out of control?
I know it's easier said then done but confide in someone you trust and see if they can help you get away safely. There's lot of help out there for women in your situation.
Even if you love him dearly, even if he's married and it's a mess, you should never be scared of someone you're in a relationship with.
Hope that helps, all the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): If you can't deal with his scary side, stop seeing him.
If you don't want to "slap" your ex, move out.
If you don't want to move out, then tell your lover he can't come to your house.
If he gets angry see my first point.
Such a simple answer to such a complicated situation.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (26 July 2011):
 Run
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Any way you say it is going to offend him, so be honest about it and tell him why. And he has no right to say you can't be shared with anyone else when he's being shared also. He seems controlling and doesn't listen. And he can't control his temper. Very legit reasons why he shouldn't come to your home.
...............................
|
