A
female
age
51-59,
*rene43
writes:hi. i am in a realtionship and have been with him 12 yrs. and through this 12 yrs i have had cancer and nearly lost my 3 month old son. etc..he hs stood by me through thick and thin. we have not had an easy time. my partner loves me very much. but i dont love him. and he no's this. he has known for many yrs that i dont love him. the last two yrs i got in touch with my uncle who i had never seen. and he and his wife was very poorly. i spent the last two yrs looking after them. my uncle died last september. and the day we buried him was the day i through my self at my cousin who was secretly in love with and i did not no this.when i first had sex with him a week later i caught a sexually transmitted disease from my cousin. so therefore i had passed it on to my partner. needless to say i had to come clean to my partner. obviuosly my partner wasnt happy. but he forgave me. but i am still carrying the affair on. (idiot!! i no i am!) i told my cousin that i loved him. when my uncle died my aunt did not take it very well. and she died of a broken heart 4 months later. i was there when she died. 8 months on i still having an affair with my cousin and he thinks i love him. he has told me i am the only thing thats keeping him going. i do love my cousin, but i am not "in" love with him like i thought i was. i am going through the menopause. so my emotions are up and down like a yoyo. my partner left me for a month not so long ago. and i felt pretty happy. but he put the guilt trip on to me saying i broke his heart and i was his wet dream come true. and i new he couldnt live without me. i asked my partner "why do u want to be with someone that you no does not love you?" and he replied saying. "we can live together and get on" which we can. but i no what im doing is so wrong as he forgave me once and unbeknown to him i am still carrying on. but my cousin whom im having an affair with is also saying that im the only thing thats keeping him going. i cant seem to pluck the courage up to end this affair. or i cannot tell my partner i dont want to live with him any more. (we have an 8 yr old son). im scared, sad. upset. i feel broken hearted and hate my self for ever doing what i did. but like i said earlier. my cousin as secretly been in love with me for a long time and i did not no this. i dint even no why im writing this to you. cause i no what i have to do. i either have to end the afair. or end it with my partner or both!. but i carnt pluck the courage up to do. i am an easy pushover. i tend to get exploited everywhere. by my friend and daughters etc.. i hate to hurt peoples feelings.. i feel so confused and disoriented and unhappy. i beginning to think the only way out is the cowards way out. and just end it all. i wish i could properly explain to you how my life has gone. but would end up writing a book on here. is any one going through or has been going through simliar. if so how did you deal with it? surely im not hte only one whos dug the biggest hole she could dig and now carnt see a way out? but also knowing the longer it goes on the worse it will get. i told my cousin i will leave my partner one day when the time is right. so he is in that knowledge. but also told him that i will never live with him.
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female
reader, irene43 +, writes (3 May 2008):
irene43 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your input. it was helpful.
irene
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (3 May 2008):
 Yes, you have dug a hole for yourself. It's easy to say and harder to do, but now you know you are in such a hole then for goodness sake stop digging.
Make your choices. Decide who is most important to you. Going on the way you are sounds to me that sooner or later it's going to be a complete disaster and you could end up with no one - or drifting from one relationship to another without ever being happy in any of them.
With your decision made, work out an "action plan" and carry it out. Minimise hurt to others, of course, but you already know that people are going to be hurt and all you can do now is to be firm and resolute about whatever it is you are going to do.
It's never so bad that there's not a way out, even if it's sometimes hard to see how to get there and you know that the getting there is going to be painful. Honesty tends to work best, but it's no good blurting it all out without some idea of your objective. Settle on that; FIX on that with all your heart, and then go for it.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (3 May 2008):
 Well, the answer to the question 'Why are you writing this to us' is that you probably just want someone to vent to...
I honestly dont know what the answer to your question is, as i havent been through that situation yet, as im only 12 years old, but anyway, you can still feel free to message me telling me whats up etc.
I hope this kind of helps!
Love & Hugs
Tasha x
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