A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I honestly have very little options, I can stay friends with my ex or just let her go. I care for my ex to the worlds end. I know that and I have always had that feeling for her even before we dated and I was actually interested in other girls. I am a carring person and I know I have been taken advantage of by other's and including my ex. When we broke up, it was not really clean at first, she always has told me how she can be with a guy like me in the future, and how she would want to marry a guy like me. She actually went as far as writting a letter to me because I couldn't believe she would leave me but still have these feelings. This was 9 months ago, shortly after we broke it off, she was dating a new guy and now is in a relationship with him. For 8 months now, he went after her and won her heart over, the whole ten yards. The thing is we have remained in contact for this period of time, and have kept on doing minor things with each other(coffee), and a few major things(going out for lucn, walks and even going to each other classes periodically), as friends. Me and her mother never really got a long that well, actually she told me that I never really fit into her family that well, her parents never really liked me, they thought I was a great guy and everything, but there family had different beliefs then I do. We do talk about deep stuff every once and a while, she has complimented me on how I am a great guy and everything and a easy guy to look at, also how she feels in certain days. The one thing I know, is that she does not have a lot of friends for say. In her words "I have no friends, I am not really close to anybody / alot of people ... if I left my current boy friend, I would only have 4 - 5 people I can hang around with". I didn't know what to say, my heart lept forward and wanted to tell her that I would be here for her (I did about 3 days after she said this).Why do I worry so much about getting hurt if I show her that I care about her / act like the guy I am with other people? I don't get her either, she has a boy friend, but honestly if I was with a girl, I wouldn't care about her friends overly much if she left me, why do you think it bothers her? I personally only have 5 really close friends, I do have the option to speak to about 25 people at once and also when I am at clubs, people who know me (who aren't really my friends) come up and tell who ever I am with that I am a great guy, and then tell me when they get a one on one time "Yo man, if you ever need anything I am here". I don't know ... what to think or do right now.
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (17 November 2010):
Now that she's seeing a new guy, things have changed for you. I know that you care for her immensely and I'm sure that in your mind there was always a slight hope that she'd realize all of the things you did for her and want to be with you again. But now that she's with another, I think its best that you move on.
Trust me, you do NOT want to sit and wait for their entire relationship to fall apart just so you can be close to her again. You have to think back and decide: Did I stay friends with her out of hopes she'd come back? Or do I really care about her happiness.
From what it sounds like (and personal experience) she was able to move on because she still had you as a friend. She got the "great guy" service from you, essentially for free. She doesn't have to commit to you, yet she still takes advantage of how nice you and can keep you as a companion. But its changed; she needs to know that you're not a doormat.
So decide. Are you friends with her because you want her to be happy and care for her as a friend? If so, keep staying friends. But if you still have a hope in your head that she'll want you again someday, end this friendship now. You can still be friendly, but you need to tell her you don't think you should be hanging out as often as you do.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Some people have no friends at all, it sounds like she has a few and all we need in life is a few friends if am honest, the people who claim to have 50 close friends actually arent all that close to them.
You need to think about yourself and your own feelings here, as it sounds to me like you still love her and still want to be with her and it is just making it harder for you to see her with another guy as you want to be that guy, it takes a strong person to keep a friendship with there ex and you should give yourself credit for that, but is it hurting you? As if it is then you need to try and let go, but if you feel that friendship is enough for you with this girl then that is fine, but dont let her take advantage. goodluck.
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