A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been single for years and really need to meet someone soon, I feel overwhelmed with loneliness. I should have no problems meeting someone because I'm attractive, educated, intelligent, and I have my crap together. My problem seems to be that I can't meet anybody. I don't understand where everybody I know meets the people that they are with. I have no opportunities. I live in a small town of less than 800 people with almost no young people in sight, the only young people in my town are in my social circle and I have known them for years, I do go to school but there is no opportunities there either because it is a small suburban, private school with only 2000 students. I am commuter and do not spend enough time on campus to get to know anybody except the people in my classes. as far as men go there are only about 3 men in my entire class since I am a social work major. I have no opportunities to meet people at work either because I am a private nanny and work for one family. I do have a social circle, however nobody I associate with is single. All of my friends are in serious relationships or married. I am pretty much the lone single person they know. Every group of attached friends has that one friend that is perpetually single, and everyone is worried about and that is me. I do go out but not often cause all of my friends are boring couples who never want to go out, and I can't very well go out myself. In the rare occasion I do go out, I have no luck. I have been on various dating sites for years and met quite a lot of men but none have resulted in anything more than casual dating. So what is a good way to meet someone as it seems like I have tried everything? When I talk to my friends or family they tell me just to enjoy being single and take time to get to know myself. Well I have had a lot of fun being single for years. I am tired of it now and am ready to have someone, but I don't quite know how to put myself put of singledom. It's also not true that you will find someone when you are not looking. You sure as heck won't find someone sitting at home. I did quite looking for several years because my studies were so intense. Now almost being done with school, it is just more apparent that I'm single. When I was not looking, I still didn't find anyone. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): All right, so travelling is ruled out but can't you try some volunteer work or exchange program, for instance being an au pair at some big city or another country? You're already a nanny or you can just ask your friends if they know someone who is also single and maybe they can set you up in a blind date? I ask my friends to introduce me to their single friends, since most people I know met their partners at work/ through mutual friends... You should give it a try." I can't very well go out myself " You can, and you should, you said you can't afford travelling, ever thought about having dancing classes, volunteering? get a part time job someplace you'll meet new people, joining the church youth group, hitting the gym, walking your dog at the park? Those are activities where you may as well bump into a stranger, start talking, I really don't know what else suggest I can only wish you luck, and the thing about stop looking may work too...
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (28 February 2012):
 I can understand your frustration. Is there some cute waiter somewhere at a restaurant or coffee shop you can start a conversation with?I don't want to sound rude, but I have to say, you're slowly treading into deep, dark waters. You are getting frustrated, and you might start lowering your expectations or start dating someone who is not a good match for you because you are acting out of desperation. You are also starting to sound very bitter, and that is not an attractive feature. As irritating as it might sound to you, maybe it's not the right time. You're finishing school and you're saving. Keep working on that. I really do think that when you're not trying to find someone is when you find them. I know you say it's a small town with no young people in site, but I have a few more suggestions-1. No matter what size a town is, there is always a music scene. Go find it. 2. So you say there are no young people? It sounds stupid, but consider volunteering at a nursing or retirement home. Grandsons might be coming over to visit their loved ones, and it's a bonus too, because if you do run into one there, you already know they are a caring person.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Once you finish school, start working, start saving, then you can change your circumstances.
Tell your friends that you are writing a blog on relationships and want to interview them. Assure them you will keep their privacy. Then ask how they met their mates.
Or simply ask your friends how they met their mates. Maybe you will have to widen your outreach and drive to the next town. So what if it is 2 hours away? You say you are overwhelmed by loneliness. You decide what is the more successful strategy. Giving up now or keep on trying. I know what my money is on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the suggestions guys but I am afraid due to finances and am stuck at home wih my parents right now. Moving is not an option as I cannot afford it. It is also not practical for me to take time off school as I already been in school six years and have just an internship to go and a few classes before I graduate. I could never afford to travel anyway. All these things are also working against me. Maybe I need to accept my fate.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 February 2012):
If you are living in a small town with no opportunities for dating, then you will have to change your circumstances, won't you? As you so thoroughly parsed it out, there is zero chance of meeting someone. So the only logical conclusion is that you need to change your surroundings.
Move to a nearby town that is larger. Make new friends. Do the singles meet up things. http://www.meetup.com/
There's a new movement afoot to increase happiness in the world. Do your bit and join in, you are already working toward that goal by becoming a social worker, why not try out some of their suggestions? As you said you are 'overwhelmed with loneliness' it seems to me to be a good way to combat that is to spend time with others who need your help or your company.
You are in the box you placed yourself in. Time to unwrap it, and open it and rethink your surroundings.
You can do it, if you put your intelligence, education and drive to work. Choose yourself as your first project. It sounds like it will be worth your investment of time and energy.
Go get 'em! :D
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 HI
Have you thought about taking a year out and traveling? backpacking, doing charity work in third world country's? You will have the best time of your life, and I bet you will find the perfect man along the way.
Mandy xx
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