A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, well here's the deal. I never had contact with my father's family until this summer, in other words i never met them before. After 3 weeks spending everyday with my aunt(my father's sister), his husband and my two cousins, my cousin and i found ourselves madly in love and we don't know what to do. No, i don't think this is temporary, i know myself and this is a true feeling which both of us are experimenting. Is not something we planned it just happened, we both feel bad because of the "incest" thing going on. I'm not talking about getting married or else, but we just want to date and start a relationship as a couple, he's just a year older than me. We're afraid of what people, and worse, our FAMILY will think. We really want to be together, we really love each other and we're both concious of the consequences but still dont know what to do. I will really apreciate sincerely and non-offensive answers. Thank you very much
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Marrying your cousin is not illegal in Mexico. I know that, at least some time ago, some pre-nuptial analyses were necessary for any couple to marry, but I'm not sure if these were for sexually transmitted diseases only. All I know is my parents had to undergo those analyses before they married :-).
First cousins do fall in love, and this could well be your case. It seems that the experience of living close to them made both you and him notice especial things about each other. I would suspect that such a close contact and liking could be mistaken for love, but I don't think there is any reason for me to doubt you. Cousins do fall in love. You lived away from each other for so long that you don't consider yourself close family, because indeed you weren't. I wouldn't be the first to cast a stone at you.
I think you're right in worrying more about what your family will say than about anything else. You're legally a minor and, beyond that, you're not independent as to really challenge what your parents say. Neither is he :-). And then there's always the idea that cousins should never marry. First, because of some genetic issues, and then because of religious rules. By the way, the Catholic Church (I assume you're Catholic) does not strictly forbid such marriages; you could marry if your Diocese says so.
Don't fool yourself: you do want to marry and all that, only that would be too much at the moment.
If you have made your decisions regarding all else, what I can say is that people will always say bad things about everyone, and a relationship like yours would give them an excuse to be more bitter. Perhaps withstanding the pressure and criticism would be the real proof that you love each other.
If this is what you want and you have thought everything through, just don't pay attention to what other people say. Make the conscious decision to resist public opinion.
Que te sea leve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): You present as aged 16-17 (overage) and currently living in Mexico. I have tried to research your laws, and it appears that it is legal for you and your cousin to date. However, even though it may be legal, your values and customs may still make it forbidden. I would suggest you talk to your mother, and tell her how you feel. You have just met your cousin, so you weren't brought up together and you are not very close. Before you give up, see if you can find supportive family members who will be on your side. I can find no information that says it's illegal for cousins to date in Mexico, as far as I know you can even marry, so it seems that everything is alright. Talk to your mother, and tell her how you feel. Good luck.
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