A
male
age
26-29,
*kyfirestorm
writes:I’ve known this girl three years ago, when both of us were twelve. We were classmates. Now we’re in different schools. I fell in love with her. I sent her two letters and a gift and I think I went a little too far, because she then started calling me a ‘sicko’.She told me that she doesn’t like me, in other words I was rejected. I asked if there was any chance of me being together with her. She said no, unless I could build a time machine, travel back into the past and try to be friends with and get to know her first instead. I know that she was irritated because I kept persisting on. I find her really really really beautiful; I love her a lot and think about her every minute. I used to text her, sometimes a lot and sometimes it’s just a text a day. I always fail trying to be her friend and asking ‘neutral’ stuff instead, because sometimes I send her messages that sound really desperate.I tried to keep her out of my mind for three months starting from June this year, but recently it has come back. We tend to feel awkward when we see each other in person.Very recently, I met up with her to pass her some stuff. I asked whether we could hug. She didn’t say a word and we just did. Does this mean anything? She’s gone overseas a few days ago and won’t be back until the end of November and already I’m missing her. Should I work on becoming friends with her instead, or just completely forget about her and move on? I still do want her though. One day she will find the man of her dreams and I'm afraid I won't be able to live through those days. I tried to get over her, but it didn’t work. I’m stuck at what to do now.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Yes, you need to move on. You will never be able to be her friend unless you do. You can't be true friends with someone who you secretly (or not so secretly) have a thing for. She has told you that she is not interested. All your clingy behavior has done is solidify those feelings.
Time for you to cut her out of your life completely and move on. When you do that, one of two things will happen. She'll let you go and never be back, or she'll realize that she liked your pursuit and be in touch with you. The key is letting her go. That hug didn't mean anything. Don't read into it. Let her go and move on.
If you have trouble with that, as it sounds like you do, then you need to find something else to occupy your time and focus. Maybe take up a sport, or join a club at school. You are still very young. I know it feels like the world will stop, but really this is one of life's important lessons for you. With time, the hurt will fade. You may also find someone who WANTS to be with you. As long as you're so focused on what you can't have, you are very likely to miss out on something good that may come along.
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