A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last week I made a post about my girlfriends ex wanting her back after six months apart, she still had feelings for him and she didn't know who she wanted. On Monday this week I told her that we should just be friends because its unfair for anyone to get hurt just before christmas, and if she didn't have feelings for this guy she would of told him no straight away because she has met someone else (me).She told me yesterday that she has given her ex a second chance and they are back together : (. I'm now left feeling like utter crap at a time of year when everyone else is happy and looking forward to christmas. I just need to know if I should have tried harder to keep her, knowing she had feelings for him, or was i right to just walk away from someone who meant a lot to me?I've left the door still open and didn't end things badly, i'm just really lost at the moment as to what I should do. There is a chance he will mess her around again or perhaps she will realise what she has left behind, I don't know if I should wait for her until after christmas or just get on with my life.
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female
reader, messedupfemale +, writes (18 December 2008):
 I think that you would have more of a chance if you just simply send her a text or email (make it brief) that you love her and would do anything for her, but are going to take a step back and give her time and space, also tell her that if she needs to get in touch with you, then that is OK, but you wont initiate getting back in touch. Then, the hardest part is to actually not contact her, it could take months for her to contact you (if she does). It will be the hardest few months of your life, but by contacting too much, you might push her further away. She will need time to sort her head out, but it might be you she chooses. If she doesnt choose you, then you just are not meant to be. It is OK loving someone, but they have to love you back, and who wants to be in a relationship with someone that isn't sure.
I guess in the meantime you should concentrate on you, even date other girls, you dont have to sleep with them... If your ex can see you getting on with your life, it might get her thinking about what she lost (that is actually what happened with my ex).
I hope this helps, and ask me anything any time
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply messedupfemale, your name isn't kelly is it? lol just kidding.
Would you be upset if your current boyfriend decided to walk away from the mess? or would you be attracted to him even more if he did?
I'm still crazy about her and I feel lost without her. I've been chatting to other females recently, but it just doesn't feel the same, there is no instant connection like there was with my now ex. I still talk to her, hoping she will tell me that she wants to be with me instead :-(
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A
female
reader, messedupfemale +, writes (12 December 2008):
Hey, your post rings very close to my heart, I am exactly in this situation, but I am your ex girlfriend. My ex boyfriend broke my heart 6 months ago, and I moved on. I met a wonderful guy and we hit it off immediately. to be honest, I totally forgot about my ex. However, about 3 weeks ago, my ex boyfriend comes back into my life and confesses he still loves me. He has messed up my whole world and now I feel really guilty about the way I feel. The truth is, my ex boyfriend meant the world to me, I would have done anything for him, and just as I was about to move on, he enters my world again. I am so upset and feel awful, but I cant help how I feel. I therefore told my boyfriend last weekend that we cant be together at the moment due to unresolved feelings over my ex. I cant give my boyfriend 100%, as my mind is all over the place.
To be honest, I wish my ex had not come back on the scene, now I have broke my boyfriend's heart and it is not his fault he got mixed up in all this.
I have decided to be on my own to sort my head out and to be honest, I dont know who I want to be with at the moment, but it is not fair to lead my boyfriend on if my mind is on my ex.
I am still trying to sort my head out, and not sure how long it will take.
I think you should concntrate on you and dont rule out dating other people. I wouldnt put your life on hold for her. Have some time to yourself, please yourself, and if you are meant to be then you will be.
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A
female
reader, ayaka  +, writes (12 December 2008):
I think if you really love her, you can afford to wait for a bit to see what happens. Until after christmas sounds fine. People often think that waiting for someone is being weak and it is uncool, but knowing what you want and being clear about it- that's being strong in my opinion. Also think about it this way: if she didn't go to her ex, but still thought about him, wouldn't that be worse? Anyways, to sum up, what you should do depends entirely on how valuable she is to you...
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