A
female
age
36-40,
*yaka
writes:Hello everyone. Sorry that this is a rather long story, but I am desperate for some outsider opinions. This summer I learned that my best friend had feelings for me since last year, but since I had a boyfriend last year he didn't think that we had a chance. Actually I suspected this back then too but, after I broke up with my boyfriend nothing changed between us, and he actually asked out somebody else-and got rejected:(. While it was sad seeing him feeling down because of his rejection, I secretly felt relieved, thinking that I was a fool for suspecting him to have feelings for me. What a fool I was. Confident that he had no feelings for me, I tried to cheer him up, we became closer as friends (at least that was what I was thinking), spending more and more time together, and people started hinting that we looked good together. He started hinting that too. Unfortunately I had and still have no romantic feelings towards him. None at all. My suspicions arose again. So I tried to say to him that what we had "as friends" was very special, and that is hard to understand for many people, because it is a rare experience. But it was not enough. He decided to confess, and I rejected him-in the best way as possible, if there is such a thing, beacuse I did not want to lose him, and his friendship. I told him that I wanted him in my life in the future. So we decided to remain as friends, but apparently his feelings did not subside, so one day, he said he did not want to see me for a while. We did not communicate for 2 months, and two weeks ago he came to my workplace with flowers, saying that I was very important for him, that his feelings were subsiding and we decided to give our friendship another chance. But he also said that he did not know what would happen if I were to date another guy. OK, now the questions: I do know another guy for whom I might have some feelings, and it seems that he is interested in me. He asked me to dinner. What should I do? I really don't want hurt my best friend, and really don't want lose him. But I also feel that this could be too much of a sacrifice-regardless of what happens with the other guy. What do you think?If you're still reading this-thank you in advance:)
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female
reader, samsmommy  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 I think it's really sweet that you are actually considering not dating someone to spare your friends feelings. But even if you turn this guy down, there will be other guys that are going to ask you out, and you can't reject all of them so your friend doesn't get upset. You're eventually going to go on a date, and it will probably hurt your friends feelings, but you need to explain to him (again) that you don't like him in that way, and you just want to be friends.
He might be really upset, but if you honestly don't have any kind of feelings for him other than just friendship, you've got to let him know (again lol). It's a really bad situation and I'm sure you don't want to hurt him, but if you like this other guy that's asked you out, you should go out with him.
Hope I helped 3
A
female
reader, ayaka +, writes (12 December 2008):
ayaka is verified as being by the original poster of the questionblawndie, thank you for your reply. I already told him when rejecting him that I didn't feel the same way but that I cared for him a lot. Actually that is why we are still hanging on, and this is also the root of our problem:) But you're right, 1.he should be able to be happy for me, if he cares for me, 2. this kind of protective behavior might lead to a different impression about my situation on his part.
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A
female
reader, blawndie +, writes (12 December 2008):
 You're in a tough situation, and it seems like it's leaving you torn. Although this is a really close friend to you and you don't want to hurt him, you know that if you do see this other guy you are interested it, it's going to break your friends heart. But, the way I see it, you don't have any commitment to him. So what's going to happen? You'll never be able to with someone you have feelings for because you don't want to hurt your good friend? You think you'll be alone forever just because your friend will be hurt that you might have feelings for someone else? That doesn't make sense. He should be happy that you're happy, if he is such a great friend and if this friendship is really healthy and strong it would be able to fight through the fact. I think you're feeling sorry for him, but in a way you're also leading him on. You don't have any romantic feelings towards him but you're thinking about not dating other people just because he's going to be upset. (Maybe implying to him that you do have feelings for him). But honestly, I think you should just tell him that although he's a great friend and you don't want to hurt him, you are interested in someone else and if he can be happy for you then you would really appreciate that. Hope it all works out! And you should tell him straight up that you do not have the same feelings towards him he has for you but that you really value your friendship and that you'll be there for him whenever he needs you.
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