A
female
age
,
*reespirit13
writes:I have found that my husband of 13 years is watching beautiful naked women masterbate on a site called Twistys. He also watches some porn. I find this out because I check the tool section of the computer and it will give the date and the actual video (somehow is stored under tools) I know that he must have a membership because the movies are pretty detailed. He says he thinks the female body is intriguing but I feel he is crossing the line. I can always tell when he has relieved himself to these online girls because he doesn't ask for any sex from me. (already satisfied) He is 50 and I am 53. I am in very good shape and look younger than my age but am growing concerned that he may be desiring younger women and may act on his impulses if an opportunity arrises. He has been very sneaky about his online activities. He is a good provider and basically a very good man. Sometimes I want to leave him because I am hurt that he turns to these onlline honeys instead of his wife. In his defense, He would probably say that he needs sex more than me and this is why he goes on line. Should I just turn a blind eye to his online activity. Should I be worried? Please respond, I do not know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): As far as I know it is not webcam. (cannot be sure though) The sites I have found are a pick and choose for whatever it is you want to view. Thanks for all your support. I'm going to talk to him about it.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 Is it a site where he gets to interact directly with a woman or is it just videos and pictures. If he is interacting and directing someone then thats a little worrying I agree. You probably need to talk to him about what he is doing and let him know that it's bothering you. Most men will continue regardless or become secretive but it's important that he is aware that you are not happy...I am not a lover of the internet sometimes as these online connections can be very intrusive and real. Regular porn, for most men is irresistable but actually directing someone by webcam is a bit to close to the knuckle.I feel for you and can see why you are upset. When you talk to him try to be calm and not accusatory, just tell him that you think it's too real for your liking and that you feel it is taking his love and attention away from your relationship.Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, Freespirit13 +, writes (18 March 2011):
Freespirit13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to all who have provided insite to my situation. Each of you have given me a different perspective to looking at this. He knows I do not like when he looks at other women in this way that is why he hides it. I believe it takes away from our intimacy. I understand that guys have always been visual but it still hurts to know that he looks at other women this way. It is online models that preform these acts (so in his mind, it's ok...not real) to me it is real. He seeks out an attractive woman on twistys.com and watches them do sexual acts. (almost like prostitution) because they will do whatever he requests. It doesn't matter what age you are when you find your man is doing this, it hurts. Love is a trust between two people and this type of thing does take away from the connection that two people share unless it is mutually agreed. In this case, it is not. I do not want to leave him as I do love him. Very torn. I will keep an open mind an really do appreciate all your honesty and feedback.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Porn is fine if you are single. But in a marriage it is a betrayl. If you are both open and up front and there is no ill feeling about it then fine. BUT, if the other spouse feels uncomfortable about porn then it is a betrayl.
Talk to him and discuss it. Tell him how hurt you are.
For me, and many other women, it is a deal breaker. I told my husband I could not be in a marriage with a man that seeks out pictures or videos of other women of a sexual nature. I am only interested in a strictly monogamous relationship.
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A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (17 March 2011):
Watch it with him?
Honestly someone at your age should know that this is normal for a guy. Even as a teenage i will sometimes choose masturbation over sex just because of the simplicity of it. As long as hes not cheating everything is fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): I believe that turning to pornography to get your sexual wants met is like robbing a bank because you need money. yes you get the immediate "want" met, but it isn't the best way because there are consequences in the way you chose to meet it. Sex is not a need, you can live without sex, a person will not die without it. It is a "want". If a person feels they "need" porn, then they are avoiding a bigger issue. putting a bandaid on something that needs addressed. If this issue continues to go undealt with it can get out of hand. I would definitely talk to your husband about it. If you turn a blind eye, that will not help you or him. If you deal with this issue together, talking about it, trying to adjust yourselves to eachother, then you will be stronger in the end. if you turn a blind eye and you and he go on pretending, I doubt either one of you will be happy in the end.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 March 2011):
There is a big difference between a guy just getting a bit horny over porn and a guy having an affair behind his wifes back. Not every guy will want to cheat but most guys like porn and are intrigued by it without it having much effect on how they feel about the woman they love.
To guys sex and love are two very different things, to women sex and love are the same thing.
I'd turn a blind eye for now but if his behaviour begins to change or it starts having a major impact on your sex life then you are going to have to let him know it's a deal breaker.
When I was married I remember finding about 30 porn magazines holed up in the garage. I was very young at the time and was absolutely devestated that my then husband preferred to look at fake big boobied plastic women rather than me. I confronted him and he said it didnt mean anything. I was never quite sure if he ever gave up the porn but we still ended up with two kids!! (I eventually divorced him for a very different reason...nothing to do with the porn)
Watch his actions, if he is just being normal then I wouldnt worry about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 March 2011):
 If you "turn a blind eye" it's going to eat you alive. You mind will start to create all kind of "stories" and ideas as to how,when, who, where involving your husband and X woman.
TALK to him. ASK him why he seems to prefer porn over sex with you?
Spice up your sex-life WITH him, if he is willing. I highly doubt he is keeping you satisfied if he constantly yanks to porn either. That just isn't fair.
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