A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm joining the military, but I'm torn on what to do. Please, if you have time, help me out. I made a short version if you don't want to read a lot:There are two jobs I'm considering. - The first one is becoming an officer at the army paratroopers devision (red berets). I've read up a lot about it and it really interests me. It's just really hard for a woman to get through the selection process and actually get the job. Also the attitude of men towards women in there isn't the best.- The second one is a job as an officer in the navy, where your responsibility is setting the course of the ship and leading the staff among other things. Pay is better than the army, attitude towards women is better, it's safer. After talking to my family and they making a case for the navy, I applied for the navy. I'm cleared to start the initial selection process. I just don't know if it's the right choice. What should I do?Added context: After getting my degree in Communication I've been struggling for 3 years to support my family (my two parents who are unemployed and chronically ill and my mentally disabled brother) and in the process I feel I've gotten stuck in life. I work in a callcenter during the day and I bartend in the evening. I can barely make ends meet. I don't have a place of my own and my only chance at socializing is at my jobs. Paratrooper regiment has everything I like (and I've read up a lot about it), but physically you have to be top of the bill to get in. Training starts in August so I still have quite some time to get in shape (I've always been active so it's not like I have to lose weight or start from scratch). I've talked to women who got the red beret and none of them ended up picking the job as an officer in that regiment. They got jobs at logistics and such, because they felt being a paratrooper is too hard. I'd like to be the one that gets the job but I don't want to be naive. Over the past years, (decade if I'm completely honest) I've been making decisions based on what my parents thought was sensible and later based on how it would benefit the family at home. I've never picked something because I truly wanted to do it. And right now I feel I should feel excited for the application process in the navy, and I'm trying to get myself excited for it, but I'm not, really. All I'm thinking about is that maybe, if I'd train hard enough I could become a paratrooper anyway. I know you can't get what you want in life and that being a paratrooper is dangerous and hard and that going into the navy would be the more sensible thing to do. I'm at a loss right now, because the navy is not what I really want. But like I said, I don't want to be naive.I'm at a loss of what I should do.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 I don't want to dissuade you from your dream or desire, but I feel compelled to tell you that my brother was a paratrooper when he was in the service, and the accumulation of injuries eventually forced him out early. He is in his 30's and will need a knee replacement, has had a few back surgeries for compressed vertibrae (surgery rarely fixes anything), many concussions, and lives every day in constant pain. I wouldn't wish that on you, so if your only reason for being a paratrooper is to go against your parents' advice, your body and future will pay the price.
I took 4 years of Naval Science, and I can tell you that the Navy isn't all about ships and cushy jobs. I see your country flag, so I don't know how much different your navy is from ours (US), but really exciting stuff happens in it, like Aviation, special forces, Marines (I looked up and you have the same), intelligence and counterintelligence, and a host of other extremely exciting things that don't involve compressing your skeleton on a regular basis. There is a REASON why there aren't a lot of elderly or middle aged paratroopers out there, and if you're lucky and not medically discharged like my brother was at 26, you'll end up in the same place you would have been anyways in the Navy or equivalent armed force.
So think about it. If paratrooper is your dream and calling that you feel you were made to do, then go for it. However, if it boils down to excitement or striking out on your own, then there's a reason why your parents are advising you like this. Getting "in shape" will not protect you, and there is no such thing as soft ground. I jumped out of an airplane ONCE (tandem skydive jump) when I was 19, and it was amazing right until I dislocated my shoulder on impact. If I'm being honest...I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it really is a major thrill I wanted to say I did before I died. You can do the same and get that same thrill without making it a career. Your decision.
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