A
female
age
30-35,
*Anitax
writes:First off I already know this could be considered incest, but that it's legal in the US, at least in this case cause he's my cousin. He's the son of my grandmother's half brother, correct me if im wrong, so he's my 1st cousin once removed.Back in the summer of 2007, when I was 16 (I live in the borderland, so I have family members in mexico too.), my mother got a call from my uncle in juarez asking for some help, cause his nephew (the cousin I have feelings for) came to get his visa laser renewed, but he got really hurt on the way and was refusuing to go to the hospital. At that time he was in the state of depression, and he didn't really care for his life. He was 26, at the time, so in a way it was illegal, cause I was underage.This has never happened to me before, not ever with any other boy or man, not now again that Im older. When I took that first step in my uncle's home, I could remember perfectly, he was standing in the kitchen by the sink, and boy it was love at first sight. I didn't believe in it, and maybe some of you don't either, but after that expericence my perception has changed.I won't get into to details, but I saw how sad he was, the bleek that surrounded his face. The reason why he was like that, was cause his mother has been treating him unfairly for a long time. He feels like he's not worth much, but when he reality he's worth way more. I couldn't stop staring at him, no matter how hard I tried, he was so beautiful to me. He finally caught me, it was embarrasing. For being so young, I expected him to not even look at me, or talk, but I was very wrong. and eventually, I convinced to him to go to the hospital. He got the help, but my mother told me we had to leave, and I couldn't even say goodbye to him. 2 days later he went back to his hometown which was about 10 hrs away from where I live (also in mexico), it hurt me so much, I was devestated and I barely ate for a week. I am 19 now, and in about 4 months, it's going to be 3 yrs since the last time I saw him, and he's still on my mind. Even though I've had boyfriends before, he's still in my heart.Getting to the point, I apologize for the question being so long. We (my family) are going to visit by where he lives, cause that's where my grandmother grew up. But we are just going to the city, we are not going to the ranch which is where my cousin is located, and is another hr away. I've been trying to convince my mother that we should go, but she refuses cause we might not have time. I think we can mange that in, I desperately have to talk to him. I know he currently doesn't have a girlfriend and hes not married yet, he should be about 28 or 29 now. Should I tell her my secret?, the secret I've been keeping for so long, so I can convince her ? I know my mother, she will understand me, but I've been too afraid to speak the truth. I really appreciate anyone for taking the time to read and I'll be thankful for your help.
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cousin, grandmother, incest Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xAnitax +, writes (9 April 2010):
xAnitax is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anonymous that was truely helpful, unlike like the other answers on here which claim it to be a fantasy.It's not.Your right, my mom could try to keep me away from him, so I won't take that chance.I'll wait till I talk to him and convince my mother another way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I would not tell your mother yet, until you have a chance to talk to your cousin. If you both still feel the same way about each other and want to pursue a relationship with each other, then go for it and see where it leads. You will have to figure things out along the way. Then, if you pursue a relationship with each other and it works out to the point where you want to marry each other, at that point tell each other's parents. It doesn't make sense to tell your mom now because if you tell her about it, she might not ever let you get within 100 miles of your cousin again. So keep it a secret for now until you know he feels and until when, and if, you decide to pursue a relationship, and you decide that you want to make it permanent. Hope this helps. Post back if you have more questions.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 March 2010):
 At this point I'd say be honest with your mom. Tell her this has been on your mind for some time now and you just need some closure so you can move on. Since she's the one in charge of this trip I think this will be your best chance to see him. If she says no, well at least you tried and you did it without lying to her. If she says yes, then you at least have her prepare for anything that could/may happen in the future.
And finally, keep in mind that what FA mentioned below is also potentially true. Whether or not it's real to you, it may not be to him and over the years you may have made it bigger than it really is.
Good luck with your trip and I hope it all works out for you. Keep us updated...
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A
female
reader, xAnitax +, writes (26 March 2010):
xAnitax is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven if nothing would of happened, I still would feel the same way. Besides boyfriends, I've also had crushes. This isn't a crush.
I understand all the circumstances between me & him, which I did not state to make my question shorter. Like I said that he's my cousin, even though were not closey related, the distance, the age gap, & disagreement between the families.
This makes it seem impossible, but I'm not looking for a relationship, rather then closure. That day he showed me the same feelings I have for him. I'll admit maybe by now he hasn't even remembered me, I could be only a distant memory.
All I want is to speak with him, whether he still feels the same way or not. If it turns into something, I'm willing to confront anyone to be with him, or if it doesn't work out, I can put this back & move on. My question is if I should tell my mother or if I should try to convince her another way.
Thank you for your answers & anymore would be very helpful.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (26 March 2010):
 Well, that's interesting. You are suffering a 3 year crush on an older man. He may not even be aware of your feelings. It started as a classic Florence Nightingale syndrome, you were drawn to him by his need, and feel connected to him by your success in helping him. The crush has held on not in spite of distance, but because of it. Because you don't see him frequently, your mind can paint over his faults, and idealize him.
Now having analyzed all that, I have some advice. Yes talk to your Mom, confess your feelings, tell the whole story. I think you should go see him. I think you will likely have your perceptions shattered but you will be able to move on. Either he will or won't return your feelings, but either way, you can stop living a fantasy and start living for real. You have had your life on hold, it is time to find out for sure what you can have with him.
I hope you don't think I am mocking you. I just want to point out that you are not the only girl to have these feelings.
FA
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 March 2010):
What are you looking for out of this visit with your cousin? A relationship? Do you know him well enough that you think you could have a serious relationship? If so, would either of you have to move to be with eachother and would you or he do so? Would your family be ok with that relationship? And I guess most importantly, does he even feel the same way about you?
Whether or not your mother may understand I guess you just have to decide if it's worth it. If you "just want to see him" that may not be enough for your mother to make the extra trip.
Is this a real chance at love and being happy or is this just a fantasy in your mind about a crush?
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