A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 3 years ago, I had a really drunken one night stand with a woman from work. Morning after, she was very embarrassed (she'd never been with a woman before and is adamant she's totally straight) and I wasn't really after a relationship so we laughed it off. A while after she tells me she's interested in a guy from another department at work, didn't really ask details but told her to go for it. Then my brother tells me he's got a date with a woman from my department at work. Of course it's the woman I had a one night stand with. When she found out it was my brother she'd asked out, we agreed to keep our one night stand quiet. It was only one night, not really any need for him to know. Now they're living together, getting married in less than a month and she's six months pregnant. I feel so guilty that I slept with her even though she hadn't even met my brother at that point. I feel like I'm lying to him by not telling him. Part of the guilt is that I'm madly in love with her. She's everything I look for in a partner. I've dated other men and women since I slept with her but nobody else compares at all. I'd never make a move on her because I wouldn't hurt my brother like that but I so badly want to. Part of me says she must at least be slightly attracted to me but another part says she only went anywhere near me because she was very drunk. I'm so jealous of my brother and worried I'm going to ruin their wedding because I just can't get excited about it at all. How do you get over someone when you're around them all the time? Should I tell my brother I slept with his wife to be? I don't want to ruin their relationship but a part of me feels like we should be honest. I don't know.
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at work, drunk, jealous, move on, one night stand, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): If you really wanna tell then maybe try splitting the difference.
Tell your brother part of that night. Tell him that you & her once hung out & made out or something but don't tell him how far it went if he reacts really badly. Tell the story like it happened in front of another person or something and it wasn't a 100% private setting. So that way its easier to believe that you only went so far and then stopped while everyone was still dressed. That would get the attraction & incident "out" but spare him the big visuals.
Whatever you do, if you tell him something then definitely clear it with her and get your stories straight ahead of time.
A
male
reader, Kenneth  +, writes (17 May 2010):
Please do not tell. There is a lot at stake here...most especially the unborn child. Avoid being around them for a while until you get over it. However, do attend the wedding without feeling guilty if you can. Remember! It takes 2 to tango.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): please let it pass; bringing this up now won't help anyone except hurt two people, one of which is your own brother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): I think this one is best left unsaid! Over a one night ... you may ruin the rest of her life, your brothers and also the baby on the way! So just best to forget it happened! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): yes you should tell him because you have feelings for her an he is much more important than some one night stand...and u should forget about her because she doesnt love you...shes gonna have your niece or nefew!!!! talk to her first and tell her u have to tell your brother but nothing can happen between you guys agian ..i would say not to tell but since ur in love with her you might as well to get it off your chest ..why not tell him after their married then theyll have to stay togeher
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): You had a very drunken one night stand, she was probably pissed off her face. It's best for you to forget about it, don't tell your brother, it's too late now.
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