A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have low self esteem. Its really bad to where I'd call out of work and miss school so i can stay home and hide under my blankets and cry. I am my worst enemy and for years Ive been trying to get better. But i cant help it when i have my moments. Ive dating my bf for 4mths now; we were friends of 3 years. He says hes noticed that i have insecurities, (he thinks it normal for a girl to be insecure) and jokingly said he'd slap me if I think I'm ugly. I just laughed it off because Im afraid to let him know how bad it really is. Im afraid that he will judge me and think low of me. Should I tell him before he finds out? I would rather tell him than for him to think I'm bipolar. Because one minute i would be happy and cheerful and then I'd see/hear something that would trigger my insecurities, and then be sad. I also dont want him to feel like he's walking on eggshells with me.Another issue with this, is how can I not relay on him/ friends to make me feel better about myself? Whenever I see him/ or put effort in my appearance (im usually hiding)i get compliments. but when i dont fancy up, i dont get any and that pushes me back in my hole. Also, except for my immediate family, no one knows how severe it is. I try my best to fake it as much as i can so people dont see this side of me. But, i suspect that my bf is catching on. How can I fix this?Thank you guys for helping
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insecure, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, hardnut +, writes (8 March 2013):
See a Doctor before you destroy your life and relationship. Get some counselling help and make your life better.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Be completely open with your boyfriend about everything, and then get an appointment with your doctor who'll help start you down the road to getting better.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 March 2013):
 i think you should talk to him about it. i would be shocked if your boyfriend responded poorly. he will probably be really sensitive and supportive and i'd guess he will also feel upset that you're having such a hard time with this. i know i would if the person i loved and cared for hurt this bad.
what means have you taken to attempt to get better? have you spoken to a therapist? because if it is this severe, i believe some professional help is in order. it doesn't sound like you're able to beat this alone. a therapist can work with you to help you learn to slowly change the way you view yourself.
do some introspection and see if you can't figure out what the root of the problem is. nobody else can make you feel better but you. but it sounds like you already know that since you said you are your own worst enemy. no amount of attention or compliments from others will change how YOU see yourself. it won't be until you see yourself as beautiful that the opinions of others will no longer matter.
i can say for myself, i don't have to receive a compliment from ANYONE to feel worthwhile. that took some time but i got there. now, even if i hear a negative remark, i can honestly say i do NOT care. it's their loss. the reason being because i know my self worth and there's not a person on this planet that can take that away from me.
it will definitely take practice but you'll get there. but yes, i definitely think you should include your boyfriend in this. i think he deserves to know. good luck! stay strong!
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