A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I tell my boyfriend that I was raped when I was in my middle teens? I've worked with this guy for almost four-years, but we just started going out a month ago. He is my first date since I was raped and I feel like I am having difficulty getting close to him because of my experience.
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (14 October 2011):
 no, keep that for your husband. New boyfriend does not need to know.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 October 2011):
 if you continue to progress in the relationship yes by all means tell him. it will help him understand things about your behavior that might otherwise have him posting here.
and i'm sorry about your rape. I hope you have been able to get emotional help working it through.
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A
female
reader, kittykins  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 I agree with the others. I think it would be best to tell him... but not so soon. It's an awful awful burden to be carrying, but I also agree that you should consider having counselling. I know it can sometimes seem cliche, but trust me, it really does help. I hope everything goes well for you, dear. Good luck:) xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 I think you should tell him when you and him get a bit more serious. As for now you are at the beginning stages, and there is so much you still need to learn about him as well. I would wait until you and him know each other better, and are a more comfortable level where you are in a stable and secure relationship. Wait until he is also ready to open up.
My fear is that you tell him too soon, and then a week later find out he's a douche or an idiot. Then you'll feel horrible for trusting him with your secret. So wait until you know him better and until you feel secure in the relationship. Get to know him and let him get to know you as well, before you disclose such a heavy matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): yes you should tell him
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (13 October 2011):
I don't think you should tell him this early on in the relationship.
Most guys, especially at your age, will likely find what you say traumatic themselves and it will take them some time having to "get through it".
You might be lucky that your boyfriend is strong and secure enough in himself that he can support you through what you say, but you may find yourself having to answer difficult questions that he asks you in his attempt to deal with what is going on in his head.
You are totally able to move on from what happened to you and have a very loving and successful relationship, but what happened can sometimes take a long time to fully get over.
I would say, only tell this guy about what happened if you really are sure he is the guy guy for you, and you are in the relationship for the long haul.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): Maybe you should bond with him a bit more. Give a little more time before you let out something like that. Wait until you are most comfortable to tell him. Make sure that he loves you enough to be able to hear you out and support you when you tell him this. If you do manage to tell him, you can only hope that he'll comfort you, or at least try to find out who did it. Good luck!
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