A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I cant get this guy out of my head. I was interested in this guy who I worked with nothing ever happened then one day he grabbed me and we kissed and then nothing happened for a few months and on a night out we kissed again then nothing happened anyway we ended up just having a kiss and a cuddle ever now and then, I wasn't sure about him at first because he told me he was divorced and didn't want a relationship, I have never had a boyfriend and well guys are never attracted to me,so I guess I was flattered, anyway this went on for about a year, he has now left the place we work at and on his leaving night I found out he has a girlfriend who isn't very well and she is beautiful exactly the type of girl I thought he would be interested in, I have told him I knew about this and said it's not a problem what we are doing (we have never had sex mainly because of my confidence). I have ceased contact with him but why should men like him get away with hurting people, I want to say to this girl he is making a fool of you but I can't because she is unwell, but he acts like the loving boyfriend and has done for over 6 years and she has never suspected a thing, plus i also feel because i lack confidence and he was the first person i kissed and he was interested in me, i know feel like it was all a big joke. My friend says I should name and shame him on a radio station or something but I cant. I also found out that he has another 3 yes 3 girls he was actually sleeping with. What would you do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): "why should men like him get away with hurting people"
Well, because they have all to many people who are willing to help them do it.
This goes for guys like this, all the way up to dictators.
If you really want to understand, read the following book.
"Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust"
You see, ordinary people, like you and me, help (enable) other people to be bad. This type of behavior is just a despotic dictator writ small.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 If I were you - I would just leave it be and move on. The only person that would benefit from 'naming and shaming' or telling his girlfriend is YOU - everyone else would just be hurt.
If he has 3 other girls on the go then one day his girlfriend will find out, he cannot keep this many women on the go without slipping up and making a mistake, then she will find out. But until that day comes, you are just going to have to bite your tounge and say nothing.
It is not your place to say something - it is their own private business and you cannot meddle just because you have been hurt.
I know men like him are awful, and I can understand why you are so angry. But using this anger to hurt other people makes you not a lot better than him - so take the high road and leave it be, safe in the knowledge that one day this will all come back to bite him on the ass.
Juggling multiple relationships and all the lies he must be peddling to his girlfriend will not be sustainable, the more women he gets involved in is life the more complicated the web of lies will become, and he cannot keep it up.
So be the bigger person, brush yourself off, put it down as a bad experience and learn your lesson - then just sit and wait for it all to come crashing down around him, because one day it will and you will be so much happier in the knowledge that you have had nothing to do with hurting his girlfriend or anyone else for that matter - all the blame will lay on him.
Remember - if his girlfriend finds out through you, the blame will be on you because she would think you are just some jealous girl who wants to get her claws in her boyfriend. But if she finds out on her own - then her boyfriend will be the bad guy, and no-one else is at fault but him!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 December 2010):
Just leave him well alone and never contact him. All that would happen is that you would get the blame, and he would spin a load of lies to blame you. You have no real proof that anything happened, so he might be able to sue if you name him. Also, if you did something like name him on the radio, it would get around that you were seeing a man who was taken.
Just leave it well alone. All that will happen is that you will take the blame and look bad, not him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): You have had a bad experience. But trying to hurt him won't help. If you told his girlfriend, she may not believe you. She may suspect he 'plays away' but chooses to ignore it. Who knows. But you will eat yourself up with these negative feelings. Basically, forget him. He doesn't deserve the time you are spending mulling this over. Why should he be in your head when he is such a blatant cheater. Give him no more of your time. Think of it that way.
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