| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: A year ago I moved in with an old friend. We used to get on really well. Recently I have experienced some very negative feelings towards her. Sometimes these feelings can be quite nasty. Recently she seems to have become very self absorbed and can be quite arrogant. I find myself naturally hiding away to avoid speaking to her because I find her boring and her arrogance can get on my nerves. The question I am asking is.....Could it be that the relationship has come to a natural end? andHow can I tell her how I am feeling?
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 Anon, no one said be nasty or offend this woman, but sometimes I think it's good for people to be assertive voice their opinions instead of avoidance. It may actually help this woman recognise things she wasn't aware of and that's not a bad thing. It could also mend the friendship. I'd bet if they'd moved in when they were friends previously, things would've been fine. I'm guessing with time you've both changed, that's why it isn't working.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): I would not offend her by telling her. I would just move out. Sometimes living together with friends just doesn't work. In the future you may wish to be friends again and you might regret it if you say nasty things to her. I would just move on and find a new great place to live. Maybe live by yourself and get some space!
...............................
A
female
reader, matron +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Some people just drift apart after awhile,it's as though you grow in different directions, you also find that when you actually live with someone they dont turn out to be the person you thought they were.
That didn't appear to make much sense, what i'm trying to say is that people outgrow each other, when you are at school you have endless freinds but very few last once you leave. You can work with someone and be really good mates, socialise together the lot, but when you actually share the same house things aren't as you imagined they would be and the smallest things start to grate on you.
If you want to salvage the freindship, explain how you feel and look for somewhere else to live, if you couldn't care less about it just find somewhere else to live.
Either way dont stay somewhere where you're not happy or enjoying the experience. She may be feeling exactly how you are at the moment and that wont help, as neither of you are trying/willing to sort things out.
Start looking in the letting agents leaflets and both of you a favour. Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (4 July 2006):
It's possible you've grown or apart or she's changed and you don't like it. If you think it will help either of you by saying something, then do. Pick your words carefully, be tactful but gently let her know about the problems. You may doing her a favour. If she's as arrogant as you say then she also may not give two hoots, so you've actually not got anything to lose, except a roof over your head! maybe move out first! Hehehe, only joking, but if you're going to stay, have your say.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): I had this problem. After my first year of uni I moved into a house with an old school friend, and after a month or so I realised that I couldn't stand him, and like you, I tried to avoid spending time around him. If I was at home I'd just hang out in my room rather than in the living room because I just couldn't stand him. And when it came to the end of the second year, and I had an opportunity to move out and move in with some other friends, I didn't, because I knew that my two housemates had no other friends and I felt like I had to stay there because they had no-one else to move in.
My advice is don't feel you have to live with someone because they have no other options. If you can't stand them, move out. Living with someone you just can't stand is no fun. If they can't find another housemate that's their problem, not yours.
Perhaps moving out would fix your friendship as well. I'm sure at the moment you're thinking alot about how much you can't stand her... but if you move out it will give you some space to forget about it, and when you do spend time together again maybe won't feel so negative about her.
I guess it comes down to whether she has changed, or whether it's just your opinion of her has changed. Maybe she's always been this way but you never noticed until you were living together and had to put up with it all the time. In which case, spending time apart is what you need. But if she's changed, then maybe your friendship has run it's course.
...............................
|
