A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and for the past year or so, I have felt distance between my dad and because he has another child with my step mum, I feel that there is a sibling rivalry with my "half sister" and that she fights for my dad's attention whenever I visit which I find very upsetting, so also throws a tantrum whenever I am given attention. I do feel resentful towards her because she has both of her parents and my dad left for my step mum when I was the same age as her and as she is an only child she is spoilt and a very controlling child. I feel that the only time I get full attention from my dad is when we're spending time together just me and him. I don't like going to his house because lately I have always get upset and he doesn't even realise this.I want to tell my dad about this but I am worried about upsetting him and what will happen next. Sometimes I feel very left out and that he has his own family with my step mum and their child...My main concern is, he has asked me if I want to come and stay over at Christmas but he said he understands if I have other things to do. Ideally, I don't want to go over there but then again I'm afraid of disappointing him.What should I do? Any ideas are really appreciated
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Definitely have a talk with him. He has asked you, so he does want you to come over. Tell him you miss spending time with him, but ask if some of the visit can allow scheduling of some time alone, with just the two of you go out somewhere maybe for a couple of hours, because you need to talk to him. If your sister comes up interrupting you and your father talking, then it would help if he would say, in a firm voice, 'Mary, Y and I are talking right now. I will do x activity with you later, Mary. I will need you to go to your room for 30 minutes time out, if you interrupt my time with x one more time. Now go and do Z activity like I asked you.' this is to teach her that there are consequences to interrupting your time with your father.
Your step sister is possibly threatented by you and jealous of you. Your father needs to assist you to help address the situation. And you don't necessarily need to be doing things with your sister to improve things. Maybe you need to be finding activities where you can excell to improve your confidence. Some people, like your little sister, are more prone to jealousy throughout their lives than others. My sister has always been like that from an early age and i always found it so tiring, but then my mother was also like that with her elder sister. So i grew up feeling that jealousy is such a waste of time. However jealousy can be exceptionally hurtful and destructive. Your stepsister is trying to undermine your relationship with your father. This needs to be addressed. Be thankful that are not the one with the jealousy gene, but do nip this in the bud with the step sister, with your father's help, or it will only get harder for you and your step sister to bond, if that is what you ever
want.
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