A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really worried about what is going on with my boyfriend at the moment. He said he would walk up to my house to meet me yesterday, and then we would go to his house. He didn't turn up, so I went round to his house (he lives in the same town as me). He was in. I know that because his key was in the door, but the door was locked, and the lights were on in the kitchen and living room. I have a key to his place, but I couldn't get the key in the door, as I had trouble knocking his key out of the keyhole. I knocked on the door a couple of times, shouted through the letter box, and even tried to call him, but he didn't answer. He didn't contact me at all when I got home either. I don't get it, as he had been in a good mood with me all day, and he even said he was cooking a meal for us, and had bought some drinks for us. Sometimes his bipolar disorder is a lot too handle, and it stresses me out. I cried a lot when i got back home. I got a couple of texts from him this morning. One said " staying as well as I can. please believe me. I need to work it out myself. It's not about us. Forever my love for you only ", and the other text said "See you asap. Love you ". I tried to call him about half an hour ago (This was a few hours after he texted me), but there was no answer. I didn't know what to say, so i just told him to let me know when he wants to see me. Do you think it's ok that i said that? I think it's better that he lets me know when he wants to meet up. I don't want to call or text him at all now until he does again. This is very stressful for me, and it's very difficult for me not to contact him. How can i get through this ?. I know that people with bipolar do go through episodes, but why should their partners have to suffer too ?. All kinds of things have been going through my mind, and it's really getting me down. I have hardly been eating since it happened, and i'm finding it difficult to focus on anything. I would be devastated if we broke up, but I need to think about my own health too.His ex girlfriends had mental health problems too. I'm not sure if his ex wife did. Do you think it's better if people with Bipolar are in relationships with people who have mental health problems (maybe other people with mental health problems could put up with this), or do you think people with Bipolar shouldn't be in relationships at all ?.
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): I'm sorry but i'm quite drunk at the moment and i have sent him some horrible text messages saying that he doesnt love me and that he doesnt want to be with me. He said earlier on that he wanted to see me today and then he said he didnt and he has switched his phone off on me and i have had enough. He was also talking to himself a lot on the phone too, which was really weird. I have also switched my phone off as i cant get through to his phone. I told him that i am sick of him not seeing me too. When i called him earlier on, he was talking to me but also talking to himself a lot and acting really weird. I don't care what happens anymore. I guess he suddenly thinks that he is too old for me, even though he hasnt thought that before. And i guess he thinks he is too good for me. He might remove me from facebook and block me now too, but i dont care. We have been together for over a year,and all of a sudden he is acting really weird!. I have only been drinking because i am so depressed because of the way he has been treating me. It isnt like me to drink a lot.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): I just wanted to say that it wouldnt bother me if he disappeared for a few days, if he let me know that he was going to do that. But he disappears without saying anything and when he does text me eventually, he doesnt apologise and acts like nothing has happened.He does that everytime he gets paid too. On the day his money goes into his account ( he's on benefits) he goes to see his friends who live in another town. He doesnt let me know that he is going there and doesnt text or call me when he is there. He just contacts me when he gets back. It annoys me because i wish we could go out somewhere together instead of him going there. He lies to me sometimes by saying that he isnt going to go there. I dont like the people he hangs out with because of what they do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): Thank you, Cerberus. I completely agree with what you said. You're right. There was no reason at all for him to not text me, and for him to leave his key in the door and ignore me when i got to his house. I'm still unsure about staying with him, but i do know that i want to talk to him face to face. I will make it clear that i am no going to let him walk all over me, and i will tell him that i have considered ending the relationship. I just don't know if the chat will do any good. However, i can't imagine my life without him.He sent me a text message just now saying that he is very lucky to have me, and that he doesn't take me for granted, and that he will try his best for us. I'm not sure if he is telling the truth though. It does seem like he loves me a lot, but his behaviour is confusing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): "why should their partners have to suffer too?"
Their partners don't have to OP, they just choose to like you do. No use complaining OP you know where the door is.
The thing with bipolar people OP is it takes a lot of strength to be able to handle them and no, them being with another mentally ill person is not the right answer, it#s even worse.
I do think they should be in relationships OP but it's up to the bipolar person themselves to ensure it's something they can handle and maintain. You're guy isn't that way. He's not just bipolar OP he's inconsiderate and ignorant.
I have a friend who is severely bipolar and has some awful episodes but if he's made arrangements with me or his girlfriend then he'll at least send a text to tell us his mood has changed and he's not available, we don't need an explanation, we don't get upset because he considered our feelings and let us know and most of all it's something we can handle about him. We just know there are times when he won't be around, or there will be times when we're with him and suddenly he wants to punch a wall and has to go home.
OP I think a part of your boyfriends condition or maybe just his personality is self-sabotage, he's intentionally being an ignorant dick. OP he's bipolar not mentally deficient, his cognitive abilities are normal it's just his emotions that are fucked, there is no reason not to text you, there is no reason to ignore you when you call over or make sure the key is in in such a way that you can't use yours, there is nothing bipolar about that, that was a decision.
Look it's like this OP, being with him is dragging you down, it's making you stressed, miserable, depressed, worried, you're not eating, probably finding it hard to sleep, that's not good and your mental and physical health are suffering for this guy OP. Now unless you have a magic cure for his condition then this relationship is going to fuck you up in a big way. I mean seriously OP, the ways thing are going you're heading for your own mental breakdown and you cannot allow that to happen.
I know bipolar people who can handle relationships because they can handle their condition. They know shit is going to get fucked and they're considerate enough to let others know, they go off on their own for a while until the mood swings back around again and everything is fine. You're guy is literally dragging you down with him and that's not the basis of a good relationship OP.
I agree with caring Guy OP, there is a combination of this guy not knowing how to have a relationship and deal with his condition at the same time and of you not being able to handle the fact that for days maybe weeks on end he will be a guy that's not your boyfriend but a guy who wants nothing to do anyone or anything.
Basically OP you're not suited to each other, I mean seriously, if he knew how badly being with him effected you then he'd end it himself just to protect you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): I've just received some texts from him again. In one of them, he said that he is seeing the doctor on Monday. I didn't ask what it was about ( so i'm not sure if it's about something physical, or if it's about the bipolar disorder ) and in the other message, he said he wants to see me when the weekend is over. I'm still upset, and i am quite annoyed because i still don't know for sure when i will see him again. By the time we see each other, it will have been around a week since we last saw each other. We have never gone that long without seeing each other. The most so far has been four days.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 My borderline ex broke up with me because he felt a lost interest even when I texted him several times and call every night. I was not devastated. I was relieved. One of the last words I said to him was he shouldn't be in relationships at all. I said that the perfect partner for him would be someone who is totally detached and puts her needs aside to cater to him. He said that who he dates is no longer my concern.
The difference between borderline and bipolar is that a borderline is on edge very single day but a bipolar go through episodes once in a while.
This was 2 months ago. I don't really care what happens to him now. I absorb people like a sponge so I can only be with men with no emotional issues. Just think about what you want, not him.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2013):
I think it's unfair to say that people with Bipolar shouldn't be in relationships at all. I have a friend who has bipolar, and he is as loyal as they come. But, it can be hugely stressful when he is on a 'downer'.
What I would say, is that the person who has bipolar, and recognizes it, needs to be constantly making an effort to ensure that they are either receiving treatment, or that they do make some sort of effort to ensure that those around them are aware of what bipolar is, and what can happen. My friend always made an effort to let us know what was happening when he was on a downer as best he could, and we let him go through it and come out on the other side.
I also think that the person who is seeing someone with bipolar needs to know what they are getting into. It does take a very strong, very understanding person to be in a relationship with someone suffering with bipolar, because it will cause stress. It's no good saying "why should their partners suffer too", because by being with this person, you make a commitment to them as they are. Would you say the same of someone in a wheelchair?
From what I've read, I think that your boyfriend needs to deal with some problems himself before he can entirely be in a relationship.
However, I also think that you're not really ready to date someone like this. You have to be willing to accept that he will have these downers, and you have accept it knowing that at times it will cause stress. There's no point in you saying that you're suffering too, and why should you, because if you think that, then you're not really committed enough and you simply don't understand what bipolar is.
Maybe you need to move on.
...............................
|
