A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:me and my grl have been together for15 years. ive been laid off for 6 months. money is tight. her 28 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son are living here for free for over a year.i had a drug problem for a while. weve been arguing bout everything and anything for the last.every time we argue she tells me to move out.she doesnt want me here. it stresses me out that im not working as it is.i relapsed the other day and she said she cant live with me and my drug problem ive had for over eight years.it seems like shes looking for a reason to dump me. she says she is not seein someone but all signs say she is.ive never caught her but for the last 8months she seems like shes having an affair.she enies it but whos gona admit it.earler today bout2 pm he was still pissed bout me smokin. she got cleaned up perfme the works. i asked if we were still going to the movies she said no.she was going grocery shopping with her daughter.its now 11 pm.sh wont answer her phone. what should i think?
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male
reader, deafguy  +, writes (17 August 2009):
I think you need to give this relationship space, give yourself a couple of weeks apart, to allow you to recover what is happened and should focus on your addiction recovery ... and when things calm down.
It seems that you are too much stress from what I am reading.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (17 August 2009):
 What does your gut tell you?
As Q says we have no crystal ball, but look at it this way.
You are not working (many of us aren't)
You have a drug problem (so did I)
You are not bringing any money into the household. You have stated she is upset because of your relapse. If you are smoking weed (also known as "Ambition Be Gone")you are probably more worried throughout your day whether you are gonna burn that pepperoni Pizza in the oven as opposed to working.
You know, after a time these things tend to strain a relationship, especially if she is supporting you.
Once again I cant say for sure she is cheating, so you are really gonna have to get some proof in this case. Maybe she is, maybe she isnt. But give us more to go on.
What other suspicions do you have? what other inconsistencies are there in her story or actions? does she hide her phone from you? Does she go outside to talk on the phone or into the bathroom and lock the door when in the phone? Is she spending a ton of time on the computer in chatrooms, social sites, IM's?
Give us some more info so we can help you.
what I was trying to point out to you with my little kick in the pants that maybe what you are doing is putting an unnecessary financial strain on her. Many times people use those types of excuses for cheating.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): You need to focus on yourself and your recovery. She's not the problem nor the answer. Odds are good that she's simply tired of the way things have been - not mad at you, just frustrated. Even if you could snap your fingers and get a job and get some steady recovery going, she's still wounded by the past. You're going to have to accept that damage has been done, and she's going to need to work on herself to be able to forgive you.
Recovery is hard, and the family recovers at a different rate than the addict - good luck, and remember, only she can fix herself, just only you can fix you.
Just take it day by day, and clean up your side of the street. Peace brother!
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