A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 7 years started using drugs again. I truly love him but with his recent actions I am torn-what should I do stay with him and help him through this and hope for the real him to come back? He tells me to leave but I know its just the drugs. Should I listen to him on the drugs and just let him leave????
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 April 2010):
No disrespect, but this IS the real him. People in love will do anything in the hope that something will change. You are dreaming that he'll change back into the guy he was without the drugs because you think that's the real him. The sad reality is that the real him is the drug user, not the guy he was when he was off drugs. Oh yes, there are millions of things you could try and do. But let's face it, he came off the drugs and is now back on them. Even with you there for him. This is now his own problem, and he has made his choice. To stay around would be to waste your life. You want children? He's not going to be a good father, and that's assuming he hasn't damaged his fertility. You want a house with him? He'll just lead you into debt. You want to live life? He will be there dragging it down.
If he wanted to quit, he would have, or he would at least be making an effort to quit. Instead he's chosen the drugs and told you to go. So go, and live your own life. Don't waste it.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Hi there.
Drug abuse is often related to mental illness. Did you notice a change in his mood or behaviour around the time he stared taking drugs again? He could have turned to drugs as a way of coping or self medicating.
Whatever the reason he started using again, he needs to get help. You dont say what he's using but a lot of drugs can totally destroy people. He tells you to leave but I think this is the drugs talking and I think he needs all the support he can get. Ultimatly he needs to WANT to help himself but I know its much easier if you have love and support around you.
It's up to you honey, whether you stay or go. Do you truely love this man enough to put up with what he's putting you through? If you do love him, I'd giev him a chance to sort himself out. Talk to him about how he is feeling, drugs aside. Try to get him to open up to you about the reasons for his recent drug use. Suggest he get help from a drugs councillor or go to rehab.
Ultimatly you have to decided if you can cope with his drug use. Is this relationship worth saving? Could you stick with him through this for however long it takes?
Good luck, hope it works out for you :)
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A
female
reader, Little Red Hen  +, writes (31 March 2010):
Get yourself some help, first of all.
If you've been in a long-term relationship with an addict, then you will have suffered and may well be what is called a Co-Dependent Personality.
Take a loook at "Codependent no More" by Melodie Beattie.
You're going to have been in a situation where you've played - or are still playing - the roles of parent, child, enabler and spouse to your husband, all in turn, and much more.
I feel your pain.
My advice for the immediate problem - hang in there but try to work on detaching from your husband.
Find a Meeting for the spouses of addicts.
Find support for yourself, first and foremost.
He's got the drugs to fall back on, what have you got?
(Hope that doesn't sound really cruel or nasty)
Seriously.
Look after yourself today.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I am very sorry for what you are going through .
Get him to register for rehabilitation at a rehab centre near you .
If he is violent and abusive , report him to the police so they he will be arrested and send to those rehab centres.
reference;-
http://www.drugrehab.net/
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