A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently got back into a relationship with my ex. We've known each other for 3 years and were apart for 6 months. We've been back together for 3 months and everything was going so well until I looked at the cookies on my computer and noticed that he has gone to over 40 womens profiles on myspace and messaged most of them. I confronted him and he admits to messaging his friends, but only 8 times and not the multiple times that I accused him of. He tried to blame it on pop ups and re-directs. I don't have proof of any actual message. What should I do? One night while he was asleep I went through his phone and saw a text from a girl saying she loved him, but I didn't see any outgoing from him. There were also several womens phone numbers. I cannot tell him I went through his phone as that is so dishonest and I will really seem nuts. Should I stay or go. Help!
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my ex, myspace, text Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Simple answer - leave.
The complicated ons is - if you stay can you deal with his 'cheating'?
A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (6 May 2008):
It is fairly obvious you don't trust him, and a good solid relationship is built on trust. That said, there's something to say about honesty too and what you did was a violation of privacy, he may not be being fully honest with you, and unfortunately you can't control him but you can control your own actions, which is to say you need to be honest. And when better to start then right now?
I think most people are insecure in the beginning of relationships, most people need reassurance from their mates and so and that's pretty normal but a little confidence in yourself will go a long way into keeping insecurities that can sabotage relationships in check. You have to love yourself and know you own value.
You should have already discussed sexual histories, has he ever cheated? If not sitting down and discussing past relationships is important, its hard and personally I hated it but its important. Mostly be honest, talk to him tell him your concerns, if he is cheating then I'd end the relationship b/c people don't really change and who wants a cheater? I mean you deserve better than that. Talking to other women in and of itself is not a concern though. I'd even talk to him about that message, ya know it may upset him, which would be understand but shouldn't he know the real you if you are going to be in a relationship? You fucked up but if you don't ask him about it and confess you may keep snooping around, when you worry yourself silly about that message. If you don't want to be perceived as any more nutty, don't scream and attack him about the message, I mean don't fly off the handle or jump to conclusions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): I think you should go, however don't tell him why you leaving.. if he cares about and loves you truely its going to drive him crazy and he will do whatever it takes to get you back... its a risk i understand but you have to take it.. cuz if you dont he might leave before you do... i have experience with it before and it worked but make sure you dont tell him why you leaving its better for us " use that lol wish you the best of luck truely . :)
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