A
female
age
41-50,
*olitaryfemalephoenix
writes:Trigger warning: this involves a suicide attempt. When my boyfriend and I were together, he was very selfish and stingy. I accepted this about him, because I understand he is an anxious person when it comes to money and he’s afraid he’s going to run out and he won’t be able to take care of himself. He quit his job because he hated it and has between $250 - $350 thousand dollars (USD) and lives rent free with his mother. He is 56!years old. We eventually broke up and remained friends for maybe ten years now. I am an adult living with my mother because I’m on disability due to lupus. My mother is emotionally abusive. I’ve tried to commit suicide because I can’t get away from her. He knows all about this. Last year I couldn’t take it anymore and turned the car on and lay on the garage floor in front of the tailpipe for 3 hours. It turned out I didn’t die because newer cars don’t emit carbon monoxide or something like that. It was a very serious attempt and my ex knew about it. Fast forward to recently when my mother got upset at me because my front teeth were damaged from grinding my teeth. I gave her most of my savings but the bill is still going to come out to $6800 USD and my teeth are decaying very quickly. She started picking on me and insinuated that she wasn’t going to help me. Because of more emotional abuse, I was starting to become suicidal again and he knew this. Of course I wasn’t going to ask him for any money; I know him well enough. One night I was texting my cousin and frantically trying to find ways to get money so my mother would lay off me. My cousin suggested that I ask one of our relatives and I replied “No no I can’t ask her for money she has to take care of her parents” and I ended up texting this to my ex by mistake. I was feeling very upset that night and thinking about suicide and called him to talk. He didn’t pick up the phone and I left a message calling his name desperately. I called another four or five times and he wouldn’t pick up. I didn’t hear from him that night or the next day. I thought that he probably was afraid to talk to me because he thought I was going to ask him for money. He emailed me two days later (we always email each other several times a day) and asked me how things went with my mother. I think he was trying to avoid me because, again, he was afraid I’d ask for money. For all he knew I could have been dead by then. I didn’t answer him back and then he texted me a few days later: “I don’t have an excuse for not calling you back. You sounded frantic and I was afraid to talk to you. I was afraid you were going to talk about killing yourself.”Now, I had discussed suicide with him before and it didn’t bother him. I still think he was avoiding me because he was afraid I was going to ask for money - and he knew I was suicidal at that point. If I’m wrong about the money issue, I think the text he sent me is inexcusable because wouldn’t you want to help your close friend if they are feeling suicidal instead of completely avoiding them?I haven’t contacted him back and I just want to know - am I doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life?
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broke up, cousin, emotionally abusive, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 August 2021):
 I think you should look into some kind of assisted living facility if possible. So you don't have to live with your mom.
"Now, I had discussed suicide with him before and it didn’t bother him. " I don't think that is true. Most people just don't know WHAT to say or do when dealing with someone talking about or attempting suicide. Perhaps that can come off as "not bothering them". But I BET you it's far from the truth.
And yeah, he probably didn't call you back due to the money issue AND the fact that you " left a message calling his name desperately" - it might just be ALL too much for him.
Cutting him out might help you, might not. I think it all depends on what you expect from this guy.
I hope you are seeing someone (therapist or counselor) to talk about how you feel and you can get better at dealing with it.
If you are on disability do you have a case worker? Of so talk to them about finding a place on your own perhaps?
A
female
reader, Tinacandida  +, writes (8 August 2021):
 Hi, to answer your question, in a nutshell, yes the first thing you should do is cut him out of your life. Its a very unhelpful situation with him. You must be stronger with your mother also. Speak to your doctor and let them know how you are feeling. They should be able to give you some information on someone who can listen to you and helpyou to sort your feelings and anxieties out. You sound like you are in despair and the only way out is to contemplate suicide. No one has the right to make you think that it is your only option. So quit the relationship and take the next step and find your self worth.hope this helps.
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