A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everybody, i'm a 20 year old guy who's in terrible pain.I'm in love with my 22 year old manager. This is a very long story so please bear with me. It all started 2 years ago. I got a job at a bookshop because I had to earn money for an eye op. At first she was in the same position as I am. Assistant manager. Then she got promoted to manager and I took her place. Anyways after a few months, we became friends. Almost close friends, I would say. But the thing is, I wanted more. I thought she was really into me as well. She used to tickle me, hit me in a playful manner, make me do the weirdest things for her. She stood way too close to me for 'just friends'. She probably didn't know I liked her at the time. This is all last year. She went to india last year and came back this January. And last year she had an annoying guy begging her to go out with him but she refused all the time. When she came back from India, she accepted him immediately. Thats crazy in my opinion. I was obviously very hurt. I stopped talking to her, ignoring her, making work environment awkward. And she did approach me a month later to find out why I was upset with her, and I told her off. In a serious way. She said "Ithought we were more than colleagues, I thought we were friends". Then I said, "i'm sorry if thats how you saw it, but I was never your friend". I felt very bad after that and realised what I did was wrong. So I tried to forget her. I did lots of things throughout the year so far, tried dating another girl, but I always looked for my manager in her. I get angry and upset at my manager a lot, probably making her think I'm a loser at the same time. And when she texts her bf and speaks to him for about 30 minutes everyday over the phone, its as if they my company's not good enough for her. And he's shorter than her, he's 28, and he's balding. No offense to the balding people, its just, she looks very pretty, and her being with him just doesn't seem right. I admit, i'm not a hunk of a guy, but I am quite good looking.Thats just one thing, she actually KNOWS i like her a lot, love her actually, but she still decides to hurt my feelings by talking to her bf in front of me. Or texting him in front of me. It hurts, it really really hurts. She sometimes sends mixed signals as well. She asks me to massage her shoulders for her quite often, and I do it. The one day, when it was really quiet in the bookshop, I actually got tired after massaging, and laid my hands on her shoulder, and put my head on her neck/back and rested. She didn't seem to mind, in fact she was swaying, rocking side to side. Whatsup with that?I've tried everything. I wanted to resign to forget her as well. I don't know what to do? I want to tell her I love her but I can't. I'm afraid of rejection. And I don't wanna spoil it for her. She seems happy, and I love it when she's happy. Can't take it when she's depressed, as if though I want to cry too.Should I1. Write a letter and confess everything to her, and hand in my resignation note at the same time? Coz i'm not struggling for money, I stay because of her. And I believe that she has told other staff members that if I had to leave, she will not know what to do, emotionally speaking. I always let her know that work isn't great when she's not around. She always replies 'yes, I know, i'm the light of your life'. Why does she say things like that? I'm not sure if this is how she is with every other guy, but why would she do this when she's got a bf for 8 months now, who she's considering marrying. Well she's hesitating at the marriage part, I don't know why.2. Do I tell her face to face? This is the one I fear doing. I fear she might laugh at me.3. Hand my letter in without a resignation note and ask her to help me find a way to change the way I feel about her?4. Or should I just ask her out? She and her bf already met each others families and so it will lead to marriage. Should I stand aside or should I fight for i believe is right?Please, please, i'm in real turmoil, and any advice would be appreciated. Any at all. Thanks for reading. It means a lot.
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female
reader, Reeve +, writes (28 September 2009):
Well I suggest you ask her out not on a date per say just to chat.Tell her how you've been feeling about her and that you are considering resigning,because of you're feelings towards her.Also tell her its difficult for you to still work with her,because you are inlove with her.Just be honest with her,be straightforward:tell her that you love her and its hurting you.Dont be afraid of rejection.Just be honest and positive and the situation will turn out to be positive.Good luck.Hope it all goes well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I am sorry you are in pain. I believe your reaction to her talking to her boyfriend, etc. is unfairly dramatic. She has made it clear you are just friends. Don't do any of the choices you gave.
She has another guy in her life. Were you ever in it as her b/f? Doesn't sound like it.
Get away from her. Terminate the position. Don't be around her, and you will get over her. You are expending too much energy on a relationship that is non existent.
Good luck!
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