A
male
age
36-40,
*wxyz
writes:Okay, there's a girl I've known for a good few months, nearly a year, I am quite sure I am in love with her, she seems to me like she is the one, I love everything about her. Although I am not with her, she has a boyfriend, complications included, he and I are quite good friends. I believe he is worth sacrificing, I'm experienced enough with relationships to know when someone is 'the one'. The thing is I don't even know if she feels the same way about me, but we have great chemistry and could talk for hours. So what should I do? Risk my chance by telling her how I feel now, should i wait for her relationship to end (if it even does!)? Help please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): You have to wait. There is nothing to be gained by telling her now unless you want to lose them both as friends. You may find the dynamics of your friendship with her changes once she knows you have feelings for her. The reality maybe different to your imagination. Someone can seem The One when you are not in a real functioning relationship with them. The unobtainable is very alluring. Still, if you want to risk it and cannot bare to wait on the off chance she will be free in the future, then go ahead but know the risks.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 January 2011):
You need to wait. Just the other day someone posted on this site saying that he'd told a woman that had a boyfriend that he liked her, and she cut contact.
Maybe he is worth sacrificing as a friend (in which case look closely at your character), but if they're still together, then she clearly has feelings for him and you suddenly wading in there will only make it embarrassing and difficult for you.
She is a taken woman, and even with all those complications, she is still with the guy. Don't tell her, or you'll lose her friendship, his friendship and look like a crappy guy in front of a lot of people.
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