A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes:I'm not sure how to start this. I really have felt like all my efforts at having a relationship up to this point in my life have amounted to nothing. I have only had one girlfriend ever and she ended up sleeping with another guy while we were dating. At the time I broke up because I was sure I'd find someone better but it's been almost 2 and a half years since this. I feel very depressed about my inability to find love. I don't really fit in with the community that I'm in. I have a few friends, but the people here are in general the religious right and I'm an atheist and a Socialist so I think that makes me "Undateable". I feel alone most all the time and I feel like I still have a lot of love that I want to give, even if my only relationship so far failed, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong exactly. I mean I have had some girls even say that I'm attractive (I'm a white brunette with olive colored skin) and I do well in school and, in general, care for my fellow man and am a all-around nice person. Please help and thank you in advance.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 The way I see it americans are fixated on getting married in a hurry. Relax, don't rush it! You have like 15-20 more years to find someone, that's about as long as you have already lived. You're at the very beginning stages of dating, and most don't even start as young as you have. There's a good reason to wait with relationships, instead of eagerly pursue them (if a great girl lands in your lap you can be with her of course, but don't head hunt her). That one reason to wait with it is that people your age aren't fully matured. They don't know who they are, what they want to do, if they want marriage or not, they don't know what truly matters in life, or at least most of them don't know it. They lack horizon and perspective. If you found miss perfect for you now you wouldn't stand much chance, but if you met her in 7-10 years time you and her would both be ready.
Why does a 17 year old worry so much about whether he will stay alone his entire life? It is a waste of time and thought to worry over these matters, which you do not know anything about. Just because you are single now, and feel like you don't fit in, do you truly believe this is how it will be your entire life?
This is where life experience comes into play, and I can assure you, high school and real life and complete different. The more you grow up, and the people around you grow up, the easier it will be to find the ones you get along with. Remember you will most likely move location, or people around you will move location, you will study, travel, work, and meet a whole bunch of new people.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl.
Thanks for the very helpful answer. It's not so much that I think I'll never be in a relationship again but its just that I miss that social outlet that a girlfriend offers. Because of that It's really tough on me when I'm single like this. Some of my difficulties are probably is because of the people I'm around (I'm an Atheist and they are mostly Christians). Hope I find someone to finally settle down with and share my life cause if I don't life's gonna be tough. Any additional help would be appreciated. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2011):
 yep give up on it.
seriously...
STOP TRYING and it will FIND YOU!
always happened for me... when i stopped trying so hard to find someone they fell in my lap.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 April 2011):
Look at your age. 16-17. That is why you are not finding love yet. You are too young! Give it time. I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 19, and I didn't cry about being single up until then. It is normal to not have a relationship at your age, it is also normal to not be in a relationship when you are older as well! It is normal to be single until you actually find someone worthwhile. And it is also normal to not start dating until you are a bit older, such as 18+.
So don't freak out. You are too young to be freaking out over this. If you still haven't had any luck with ladies by the time you reach 25, come back and we can have a serious talk about how to help you out. But that scenario is not likely to happen.
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