A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm very confused and hope some of you can help by offering an outside perspective. I've been seeing a man for a year now. He's absolutely great - lovely, kind, sweet, intelligent, caring, sexy handsome, great job, generous. He's not perfect but he's wonderful. We've had a really good year. I'm moving cities next month so we spoke about what we're going to do. He said that he doesn't want to marry me so wants to break up. He said that after a year, he feels he should know. He said he loves me, loves spending time with me and doesn't want to break up with me but it's not fair to me to keep seeing me when my friends are getting married and settling, and he can't offer me any long-term commitment. He doesn't think that continuing our relationship will change his mind in the next couple years, so thinks it best to end things.I'm puzzled because I have no urge to get married or settle. I probably should because I'm 33 but I've never been the type who wants to settle down, get married etc. I'd be more keen to go travelling now and maybe foster kids in the future.We did have a conversation a few months ago where I'd told him that if he knew that we wouldn't have a long-term relationship, to let me know because I wanted out. I said that in the context that we're different religions and I didn't want to find out three years down the line that he wanted to marry someone in his own religion. He said now that it's not that he's saying he knows he never wants to marry me, he just can't offer commitment now and possibly for years.I don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should accept that he wants to break up with me, or whether I should fight to keep what we have, because we're happy together and I don't know why we need to break up when we both love each other and we're happy together!We did talk about it and he said he'll think about it, but am I being a fool for considering trying to hang on to him - should I not be interested in a man who is trying to break up with me?? Very confused so any help appreciated... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses. I suppose I'm in denial! I've done this before and I had a feeling that I was being a fool. It's hard but I suppose I'll have to accept it... thanks again.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Let him go. He's looking for reasons to break up; you are now just prolonging the inevitable. I think he's trying to make this very painless for you, to his credit. It was going to happen sooner or later, it's sooner than you expected, is all. Trying to browbeat him into staying isn't really very sexy or appealing, I'll bet. Sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I think you should let go. His statement tells me he's not that into you and to continue this relationship once you've moved away it will be a disaster, he will clearly be seeing other women and it will drive you nuts and prevent you from having a social life in your new city. You've invested enough time in this relationship it's not going anywhere anytime soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, babigurl0497 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Well, I think you should let him go, and if it's meant to be he'll come back, or a few years down the road he'll find you and then you all can talk, but I think you should still stay friends, and write to each other, and hang out, but 33 isn't that old, you still have ur whole life ahead of you, lay back.. relax.. live your life to the fullest, than if you still want him and need him, take him, if he really loves you, he'll wait for you, and if you really love him, you will let im go, andt wait for him
hope this helps
:)
...............................
|
