A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok i'm going to try to make this a straight to the point question. I met this guy ad we really hit it off and after about a little less than a year(?) we got engaged. not soon after we got word that his step mum was diagnosed with cancer, so he went back home to stay with her and his dad. I was going to join when i had finished my semester of classes. he kept in touch with me for a little bit, but then he suddenly stopped completely. he wouldn't return calls, emails, nothing. I kept in touch with his sister (she lived there also) and she said their stepmom was doing a bit better. I started to get really upset when i noticed that he was always playing games online and still couldn't talk to me. I finally let all my worries and pissed feeling out at him...i told him if he couldn't at least try to be a part of the relationship then there wouldn't be a relationship....unfortunately as much as it hurt to be in that relationship it was harder being out of it...anyway we both had deaths in the family since the last time we talked. and i just recently started talking to him again and i apologized for telling him the things i did...the thing is, i had thought after a year my feelings for him would have started to dissapate..but when we started talking again i realized my feelings were still strong as ever. the problem is, he keeps avoiding the subject when i bring up if he ever wanted to try again or when i ask if he found someone else....so finally my question (sorry it took so long to get here) should i move on and not talk to him anymore? and if so could u give me a suggestion on how to do that because everything i tried doesn't work...or should i try to get back into that relationship? (he still lives in England where his parents are and i went back to the states. If i did try again then it would be long distance for a bit till i have my degree)
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engaged, long distance, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice everyone :)
deathbydarkness, i'd love to go see him but since the time he went back to stay with his stepmom, there is an ocean literally, between us. and i wouldn't be able to go until i finished my degree either way. seeing him isn't as easy as hopping in the car :)
and lost!!!!!, i'm not sure how to find ur posts ., but i'd love to read them and gain some insight i guess
A
male
reader, deathbydarkness +, writes (3 February 2010):
well if you like him go see him, somethin must be up
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A
female
reader, lost!!!!! +, writes (3 February 2010):
I am going through something very similar without the distance. Read my posts for some insight. I think you should atleast leave him be for now, make him wonder what is going on with you. Let him come to you. If he really cares about the relationship he will contact you. You need to reject the rejecter. You need to take care of your needs. Visit friends and family to keep your mind off him. By doing this it will help you start on healing if he doesn't contact you. If he is a typical guy, like mine, he will hate the fact you are rejecting him. I know its hard, I struggle every day not to contact my guy but its the only way you will know what is going on cuz like mine he doesn't want to talk about it. But what ever you do, don't push for answers, this is the quickest way you could push him away from you.Good Luck and Best Wishes!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell the engagement was broken off a while ago, when i blew up at him. and in march he'll have been gone for about a year and a half. and i haven't really tried to be in touch, once in a while i'll ask how he's been and that sort of thing if he's online (we're still friends on FB from when we were together)and just to clarify, i don't want to suddenly be engaged again, but i'd like to know if we'd be able to have a relationship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): It sounds like a tough spot to be in... You keep thinking that you can have love as an action plan.
You guys had something strong enough to build a relationship and seal it with an engagement. On the other hand, you are very young... I am assuming he is not much older, if at all.
I would advise that you lie low for a while. You have not mentioned how long he's been gone. You have said you still have feelings for him so let those be. You both seem to have a lot on your plate so it may not be a good idea to just move on like that.
Sometimes people take time to sort things out. So he may have put both of you on a backburner for now. It's not the most pleasant thing, but it does happen. Don't call him or try to be in touch. Set a timeline for yourself when you think you need to formally break the engagement if he continues to be the way he is now....
Of course, you'd be within your rights if you did find someone attractive enough to date them occasionally. The point is that given that you don't know clearly if this is over, you may not find it easy to just move on. So be easy on yourself. Let it be for now.
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Do both. Don't hang you hopes and dreams on him, I don't think he knows what he wants but if he does he's not being honest. Start dating again, see what's out there and continue your friendship with him, because he doesn't seem to want to commit, give yourself options and it won't hurt so much if it doesn't work out with him. There are more men available than just him.
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