A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:went to church this am and while the priest was saying the homily he looked in my direction he said u must strive to forgive, love unconditionally, and be understanding. He looked in my direction and said you have to be the one to do this no matter how bad you were hurt, no matter how betrayed you feel, bc you have to be the one to open the door, ect. It really stuck with me as a somewhat of a spritual guy..I have been somewhat betrayed by recent x..I found out she was saying some negative stuff about our relationship behind my back..I confronted, got angry, cursed and ended things. Haven't heard anything from her in two weeks..no i'm sorry here is what happened, no merry christmas, nothing at all. Should I do what the priest said and say I forgive, I'm sorry, ect but with no expectations for anything ( i have to admitt a little part of me wants to hear something) or should I just let it go? I really torn here
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Forgiveness is somethign we must all give to those that have wronged us at some point, even though it is very hard to do sometimes.
It isn't just a religious thing either. I'm an agnostic and even I must agree that the cycle of hurt and hate must end somewhere. And forgiving someone who has hurt you, even they don't deserve it, is often the only way to do this.
Hate WILL tear apart your mind, body and soul if you let it infect you. Often it will start very small, it seems like nothing.
But left to fester, the seed of pain... having been sown, will grown before you know it. And then you wake up one day and realise it's spread throughout your life like a stain, and you've become someone you won't even recognise.
Forgive this person. You don't need to forget or even completely trust them right away. But you need to trully forgive them and try to move on with your life. If she is trully sorry, then you two will work things out.
Remember, no reltionship is perfect. None. Everyone will hit bumps in the road, potholes that seem like they are bottomless and never-ending. But they do end, and when and how is up to this woman and yourself.
But don't do anything with expectations of return. Never do ANYTHING with the intention of getting something in return. Selfishness is a great way to start the whole cycle again.
One wya or the other, you NEED to talk to her. Find out where all the negative feelings stem from and try to repair whatever damage is caused. And is it is not possible, then at least you know you both tried your best and it was not meant to be.
It is much easier to move on having forgiven someone and tried to repair the damage then to let hate keep you from attempting the seemingly impossible. Trust me. No one likes to live in regret.
Best of luck.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 You should never hesitate to forgive someone, especially if it is weighing on your heart; it's not just your conscious telling you to do this, it is a God thing. But also keep in mind that forgiving someone does not mean you set yourself up for more heartache. What I would do if it were me, is to get her a holiday card, sit down and write her out a letter and stick it in the card, mail it off don't take it to her in person then just release the anger and hurt and move on. What you say in the letter should set the record straight about how you feel; if she did some bad things, you should call her on it and challenge her to be a better person down the road. In your letter you should state simply that you've learned from the experience, and forgive her, but don't expect a friendship to grow out of this, or even a change of heart in heart. Some people are best left out of our lives, if they mean only to be harmful. But this will give you closure and help you feel like you are in God's will.
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