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female
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*tazy
writes: hi i have been with my fiancee for nearly 2 years and i think i am fallin out of love with him i cant stop texting this bloke i met off the internet i fancy him like mad and he says he likes me to but wem cant get together as we live 3 hours apart from each other i dont know if to leave my fiancee for him or stay where i am for my kids sake as we have just had a baby together help!
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female
reader, hollym  +, writes (20 April 2009):
To be honest you dont really know this guy. how are you as a couple do you talk over your feelings and thoughts? as i think that's very important in a relationship. i was with my boyfriend for two and a half years when we had a baby but he was never interested now at 21 i am engaged to my wonderful 40 year old ( who obviously acts about 20 because he is a man) and have a beautiful daughter who is 2 and a wonderful fiance who is a fantastic father to my daughter family life is now great but how do you feel? i know how hard it can be after having a child as i went through a hard time myself but to put everything on the line for something that you dont know is real isn't worth it, you dont know this person and you will never want to abandon your child/ren, my personal opinion is to mabey see a counsiler together or to just spend more time together and rekindle your reltionship as it is very imprtant for all of your sakes. please dont meet up with this person as you will regret it for the rest of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Actually..all very good advice here. Another comment I forgot to add, to my posting which I feel needs to be said. As I said, before..you do sound young and lonely, so perhaps this why the affair appeals to you, so much.. You have been given a wake up call by the Aunts on this page. Now use your smarts and that inner voice to remind yourself, to take this 'crisis' in your real-life relationship and re-evaluate your life and take serious note of what really matters to you. Your perceptions may change, but only if you take off the emotionally needy blinders and ask yourself some tough questions. Such as: "Why am I really, doing this? Am I really happy? If I am not happy in this realtionship with my fiancee...what changes do I need to make..to get it?" I just feel you are investing so much time and energy into a wasteful 'illusion' online, desperately searching for something that can only be found in you--your self-worth and your inner happiness..with who you are. Take care, hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Eddies's advice is right on and I have some comments I want to add. You are telling us, you are ready to give up a future with your fiancee for someone you think you are falling in love with online, simply by texting this person, whom you have not met yet? The word "texting" has always meant to me, a insincere, superficial manner of relating to another human being. Remember, you are believing all he tells you, you are not seeing his body language, his voice fluctuations, his facial expressions, you are not going into his world, meeting his friends/family..these are all things you see and pick up on in the real-life world. This is not here. If you haven't met this other guy in a face to face encounter, then you are merely are falling in love with a computer...that's it. So try to understand what 'really' is happening here, hun. Online affairs are so different from real affairs, in that they do not involve a physical component, but the emotional attachment builds and sometimes, people become emotionally attached far too fast.. So therefore, I must conclude your are likely a lonely lady and ripe pickins' for an affair which could blow up the lives of people who love you. Your own emotional needs are being met, here..that is all it is. It sounds like you have some problems at home, that need to be dealt with before you go off and find this online lover.
Let me explain, online affairs happen because so many needy people get 'suckered' into them. The anonymity of online, feeds the illusion, the intoxication, because the person on the other end of this online affair is 'not' really unknown, is he. He can be as witty, funny, handsome, intelligent as only the man of your dreams can be.. Sadly, the fantasy is fueled by the lack of 'real-world' information. No guy in cyberland has a paunch, bad breath, a bald head, love handles, or a terribly bad temper. In fact, he's likely warm, sensitive, caring, and communicative and is filling a desperate emotional gap in you. Is it all too good to be true? Of course it is. Online affairs are only make-believe, hun. Usually when online lovers meet, there is a major letdown. The sad thing is your fiancee cannot possibly compete with this dream lover. Your fiancee likely has flaws, inconsistencies, quirks that you see everyday, in the real world. But he is real..not a fantasy. That is why he doesn't appeal to you, is it? Just for who...he is.
So before you blow up this relationship and go galloping off into the wild blue yonder with your dream guy. Work on what you have at home. And try to understand that usually, people who pursue affair often do so for their self-esteem needs and self-involved agendas. You have a child, a man you have promised to marry..this is a time to be giving..not just thinking of your needs. This affair will erode and violate the trust, intimacy, and stability in a relationship just to fill up a neediness-an an empty spot within you.. If you pursue this..your fiancee and child will pay the biggest price here, if you don't get this in perspective and start using your head and thinking with some rationale.
I suggest you end this online affair and get yourself into relationship counseling, with your fiancee. Find out why the two of you have lost your way, here and fix it. You child deserves to have a happy, intact home with parents who deeply love each other. And find out why you are so gullible for an online affair with a man you haven't even seen or met, yet. Fix your own emotional problems, first. And remember, in the future, when a woman meets a man online, and he has not suggested they 'meet face to face' within the first few weeks..then all I have to say, dear--something is terribly wrong. A man doesn't fall in love as easily as a woman. He usually goes slow, takes his time 'falling in love'.
He definitely would want to meet her asap, to see if she is the one for him. Your online guy is not doing that...and that is your biggest red flag here. Is it possible he's not exactly, who he has led you to believe...he is? Think with some common sense, when asking yourself that. Take your emotions and blind feelings of love for him out of this and think long and hard. Good luck hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): You must know how stupid this sounds, or you would not be writing here for advice....seriously, you can't possibly be in love with someone who types at you accross the internet, this is not what relationships are made of. What are you going to do when you actually get together, type your answers to each others questions while sitting side by side on the couch (reminds me of a TV commercial I saw of two kids doing that)....like eddie said, get away from the computer and try to enjoy the life you have created.
You seem pretty irresponsible anyway, creating children out of wedlock on purpose with a man you are trying to leave....I think you are avoiding your responsibilities and the impact they are having on your life by distracting yourself with this on-line affair. Get some counseling to help you cope with the changes going on your life, don't run 3 hours away to meet up with a stranger, that's right, a stranger you met on the internet who could be telling you one huge whopper.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 You are living in a fantasy. You need to get away from the computer and concentrate on what you have in front of you. Something tangible !! How can your fiancée fight for your love when you aren't giving him the opportunity(because you're cheating on him, on line) and he doesn't even know he's in a battle for your affection.
It's actually a shameful situation you've made. You're creating children, and destroying your relationship at the same time. The complications are just starting.
Have you considered giving the baby to your fiancée and relocating to the town of the other guy? I bet you haven't. That leads me to believe that if "YOU" decide to dump your guy and move three hours away, you'd expect to bring the baby with you and leave the father here, empty handed. Do yo see what a tangled web you're weaving....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Hi,
I'm in a similiar situation to u, but for me it's too late, i'm already married and we also have a child. My advice to u would be that i don't believe that u can grow to love someone, so if you having doubts i don't think u should be getting married, u'll be sad later when it's more difficult to get out of. Having said that i feel u probably feel a bit swept away by this guy from the internet, don't be, it's a dodgy playing field, and rarely works out. Maybe u feel u don't love ur boyfriend now because this other guy is giving u attention....lets face also.....u could meet this other guy if u wanted, 3hrs isn't that much, but do u really wnat to meet him, or does he really want to meet u???? good luck honey
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): Stop talking to or texting him (there is no such word as 'can't', it just translates as 'don't want to'), and take some time out without distraction to think about how you really feel about your fiancee, the father of your child.
I'm guessing you're very young to be a mother, so maybe you are bored, feel your missing out, and this internet and text relationship is a romantic fantasy; however, you are a mother, you have a child to consider, and an opportunity to do a far more exciting and worthwhile thing thing than internet dating - being a Mum!
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