A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys im new to this. I would really appreciate as many opinions as possible on this one!Basically, i get down whenever my girlfriend goes out and there is a risk of something happening. This is due to the fact that i have trust issues with her, because of multiple things she has done in the past whilst we have been together behind my back.I never stop her or try to control her. But whenever i ask about anything she gets stressed out and says that im trying to control her, it annoys her that i cant move on. She calls me selfish when she knows i get like this because she says i always make her feel bad for going out.She owned up to me about the things she has done, but recently she told me that she had lied to me from the start of our relationship of 7 months. She says she has changed and that she can understand why i would get like that now. But she constantly argues with me, does she think that i can just trust her word after everything? After only a matter of weeks?What should i be like? I do trust her now, so should i hide it from her when i am feeling down about it all? To save her from feeling bad when i ask?! Please help, i feel like this will drive us apart.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Telling her not to go out is not controlling. She should be able to continue her lifestyle without you interfering. It's you who has to decide whether you could live with this. I would never tell a person to stop smoking or stop partying, I just wouldn't date one. You said she changed, does that mean she doesn't go to parties anymore? Is she changing because of you, or has she outgrown that lifestyle? You have to ask yourself, does your inner reality reflect what's going on with what she's doing? You said you trust her but you really don't. You only said it so there would be no arguments. How to tell the difference between a hunch, or a recurring bad feeling that's going on too long? If a feeling makes you want to do something to improve, it's a useful feeling. If it's a nagging thing just for the sake of being negative, then you should stop and try to think of something positive about her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): You two are in a relationship! You are supposed to tell each other how you feel! She is taking advantage of you if she knows that you will trust every word that she says. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a woman who lies [especially from the beginning] and doesnt respect you? You should tell her, even she wont like it because part of a relationship is being able to talk to each other.
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