A
female
age
30-35,
*eorgiaaaaa
writes:Right me and my boyfriend have been together 1 1/2 years now.. his 22 and am 19 we have just come of a break but he is saying he wants us to have a baby.. i dont no how to feel about this as i have a phobia of being sick and morning sickness really scares me. i love him to peices and would love children but am to scared of being sick. am i being selfish?? and ii dont now what to say to him. ?? please help
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female
reader, Christine82 +, writes (17 May 2010):
Hi, have you been to your dr about your phobia for a diagnosis?
This type of phobia is emetophobia and is more common that people realise. I worked on a helpline for people with different phobias and this type came up a fair bit. It can be overcome!
Lots of sufferers went on to have children and were/are absolutely fine.
You are not selfish at all.
I hope you find the help you need and overcome this very soon. Good luck
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (17 May 2010):
 Firstly, you've just come out of a break which makes this relationship sound unstable, so bringing a child into the world now would be unwise. Especially as you are still a teenager. You shouldn't have a kid just because he wants one. Anyway having a kid holds you back from going out with your friends and doing exciting stuff.
For future reference - morning sickness doens't feel like normal sickness, however I've never been pregnant so I can't describe to you what it feels like! Morning sickness only happens for about a fortnight in the early stages of pregnancy. Some women don't even get it - did you mum or nan get it? Food only stays in your stomach for a couple of hours and most women always get morning sickness at the same time every day. If you work out what time that is, then don't eat for a few hours before it and you should be fine =]
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 Wanting a baby and making a baby are two different things. Some girls who don't want a baby will go on the pill slyly without his knowledge.They have to resort to that when they cannot argue with their partners.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 May 2010):
 How can you have a "break" when you live together? To be honest if your boyfriend needs a break despite you living together in a seemingly adult relationship - then he is not mature enough to be a dad and you need to be the sensible one here and not give in to his pressure. You cant just take a "break" from being a dad - therefore he cannot take "breaks" from your relationship if he is serious about this. I remember when I was a teenager all my friends and their boyfriends would take "breaks" but this was because they are too immature to deal with a relationship. So these "breaks" are a clear sign of immaturity therefore if I were you I would not trust him to be a good dad that will stick around.
I think you need to be firm with him and stand up to him on this issue - so when he does try the "sooner rather than later" line just be firm and tell him quite clearly that it will be a few more years before you are ready and he needs to deal with it, and stop making the silly comments all the time. Tell him if he really wants to be a dad then he needs to prove his commitment to you by never having a "break" again, and to start saving money and getting yourselves ready for a baby. If he can show his commitment to you by not taking breaks from the relationship whenever he wants, plus he can be more mature by stopping the silly comments about a baby all the time - then at least you know he is ready to be a dad. But until he can do that then you really should not even be thinking about children!
Be strong and stand up to him - it sounds like you are the sensible one in this relationship so dont give in to him!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Georgiaaaaa +, writes (17 May 2010):
Georgiaaaaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell as i might be young, we do both live together and we both run our own business.. your all right in what you are saying.. am still young ii have my 3 business which are very demanding as it is.. i just dont want him to think i dont want them, cos i do just not yet..but he is really forward with the ideaa,, && when ever ii try and speak to him about he just says that we are going to have one sooner rather then later.. but i dont no whether he is jokinng??
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 May 2010):
Your fear of being sick should have nothing to do with this decision! You have just broken up and have got back together - surely this is a major sign that your relationship is not stable at the moment hence it would be a terrible idea to have a baby right now!
As much as he may want a child, now clearly is not the right time and if he really loves you he will be happy to wait a few more years until you are both ready for children.
Ideally you need to be living together in a house that you own, where you have a car, you both have good jobs where you are earning a decent amount of money......really to provide a solid family background for the child you need to be married too. Somehow I dont think at 19 & 22 either of you can say you are in this position so waiting a while to have kids is the right thing.
It sounds to me that now you have got back together after your little "break" your boyfriend wants to fix things, and his way of doing this is to suugest having a baby. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking having a child will make the relationship stronger - when in reality it only makes the problems worse, and highlights all the cracks in your relationship. As much as having a child is wonderful, it is also the hardest thing you will ever do and will test the relationship to its limits. If you cannot even maintain a stable relationship now, when you are still young adults with no responsibilities then you have no hope of making your relationship work with a child around.
So all you need to do is have a chat with your boyfriend - tell him you love him and are excited about having a family with him, but right now is not the right time. Explain that as much as you want kids, you feel you are too young and your relationship is too rocky so it would be irresponsible and unfair to the child to bring it into the world at the moment. Explain that you want xxxx and xxxx to happen before you have kids (this could be marriage, living together....whatever things you saw yourself achieving before having kids - and dont be scared to tell him how you see your life before kids because you only get one shot at this, so dont feel pressured into something you dont want).
I'm sure if your boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you then he will be fine with this. If he thinks you are being selfish and is angry by all this then he really is an idiot. If he loves you he will be happy with JUST YOU, and he will be excited about the future rather than demanding it all happens now. And remember - a child needs a mum and a dad, and ideally mum and dad should love each other and still be together. As a parent it is your responsibility to do what is best for that child - so if you cant give your child what is best right now (which you cant aged 19 in an unstable relationship) then it is your responsibility to wait until the time is right. If you put the interests of the child first, then you will be able to see that now really is not the best time to have a child.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2010):
Tell him that there is a time to enjoy as a couple first and a time to have a baby.
With a baby , you will be tied down and you will not be able to give him much of your time to him.
You should rather enjoy each other first before you have a baby and best is to get married first before you ever think of having a baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): To be honest, I don't mean this harshly but if right now you feel more strongly about not being sick than your desire to have children then you are not ready for it. When you really want children you'll be happy to sacrifice whatever it takes to get them.
Just tell your man that you don't feel ready for that. Theres plenty of time. If you stay together until you feel ready to have children then you know you have a strong enough relationship to be good parents. :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 Honey,forget about morning sickness, morning sickness is not the main problem and it's nothing you should fear, there are other things you should be more afraid of.
Like, having a child from an unstable relationship ,by a very young partner who might change his mind and live you to raise a child alone. Or, being afraid that at such a young age you don't earn enough to rise a family. Or that you can't complete your education or enjoy life a bit more before settling down.
I don't want to rain on your parade, just reminding you that having a babay sounds so "cute " and "fun "but then, in real life, it's serious stuff for emotionally and financially secure people.
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