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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'll tell you a little about my situation as it comes into my mind. I'm 34 years of age. I have a master's degree in "I/O psychology" but it has not done anything for me. I've been years without employment and having to tolerate my dysfunctional family for too much time. I'm really not into kids and my mother takes care of my two little nephew and niece five dyas a week full time. It frustrates me their yelling and the fact that they are always watching cartoons and my mother is always focused on them. Soemtimes I laugh with them but don't want to live with them from 8 to 6 anymore. I need my silence and a more sober environment to focus in my life for the first time in my life and not in anyone else's.I grew up being in part emotionally abused by her and it confused me because sometimes she was very caring. Now it's basically emotional abuse sometimes and normal superficial talk. I have no bf or friends because no one is your friend when you are unemployed. I try to be nice and I'm always smiling in my church and with the people I get to know here and there but I don't know if it's me or maybe at this age no one is interested in making new friends. Maybe my bitter side shows too much. I have a lot of student loans I'm still not repaying because of being unemployed. Trying to become more independent I have gotten into too much credit card debt. My line of credit has been lowered recently so I cannot borrow almost any more money. I thought it was impossible for a person with a master's to go unemployed that's why I got indebted. Anyways, I think I might still have at least 'good' credit because I've never been late with the payments. It's depressing what I'm going through and sadly I find no comfort in my family. I know they have helped me a lot through my life but I would like more emotional support. My parents were emotionally abused by their parents too so they cannot give me what they didn't had. I'm the most functional in the family because of my studies and because of what I've learned in my christian church. My only sister (who's older) got her job at a young age and as everybody does grew professionaly with the years and she earns good money and is married.My family kind of helps me but it's like I have to make it very clear to them I really need this and that and they help at the last minute. Eventhough I have everything apparently (daily food, clothes, a bedroom, my family helping me for the last two months with bills) I'm still in need of a lot of things but they are not the most essential ones so I have to keep my mouth shut of I'd like help withn the monthly bills which are more important than anything.It makes my self esteem, happiness and dignity go down the drain when I have to borrow a couple of hundreds from my parents just to pay the minimum amount of my credit cards. It shows they don't like it. I studied so I would never have to lower myself to this. I really don't care about people getting laid off right now because of the recession because I've been unemployed since 2006. My health is not very good. Most of the time I feel fatigued and feverish but I can handle it with the proper nutrition and going to bed earlier. It's not medically curable but I hope God makes the miracle some day. I know I will get better in a different environment. But because of my health I have not considered marriage. Also because of my last relationship I'm kind of hating men and everything that has to do with relationships. It's like relationships are so stupid and I don't believe in anybody anymore. I've been getiing a lot of divorced fortysomehting guys interested in me and I hate it. I never would go out with a much older man nor with a divorced man. It's like they are trying to fix their lives with a younger woman who has never been married to show off. And they don't really care about my problems. That makes me hate even more relationhsips in general. It's extremely difficult to find a job where I live at. I'm seriously afraid of public speaking so have not considered teaching or anything that has to do with training employees (it's related to my field) and I have not told anybody, what makes some people think I'm unemployed because I want to or deserve it. When I have been away of my family I've always felt more secure about myself and happier so I was thinking about selling my car (that would left me with only $6,000) and leave the state to see if I can separate from my family and be free and to see if I can find a job opportunity. I know economy it's terrible but other people have done it. Or if I stay here I was thinking of maybe doing another master's degree in accounting. I really don't like it but it's the only major people always find a job with. I wouldn't like to borrow more money but based on the situations universities are the only places I'm welcomed in and at least I'd be doing somehting different and would meet new people and maybe find a job before finishing. What do you think? (I live in a US territory that has a higher unemployment rate than US state).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): My advice is to get away and if you can study part time and work part time to build your independence so much the better - find a way. You mention the word 'free' in your last paragraph and that is the most powerful expression of how you could feel in all that you have said. You are your own jailer at the moment and it is more than obvious there is no real reason to stay where you are. Once you make that step you will be amazed at the growth in your own confidence.
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