A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I'll start off with a quick background story, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half, I love him more than anything, he got me through a really rough patch in my life (the death of a friend and illness in my family), he's always there for me no matter what, sticks by me trough everything and is basically the most kind, lovely boy I've ever come across. I'm pretty certain he's the one for me, we've discussed setting up home and kids etc, and I want him to be the one that I lose my virginity to. There's just one problem... We always get roughly the same grade in our exams, but he has a very large interest in learning things for himself, so he has a HUGE general knowledge, whereas I only know what I have to because I just want to get amazing grades so I can hopefully go to Cambridge university and I don't want to get to overloaded with things I don't yet need to know.This has recently started making me feel very insecure because although he says he loves me a lot, I can't help but think he would be so much happier with someone he could discuss and share his interests with. I don't know if it's just an inferiority complex, but I also feel like he and his family think I'm stupid. I don't want to do this, and it would make me incredibly unhappy because I love him to pieces and it would be the most awful thing I'd ever have to do, but should I break up with him? I just want him to be completely happy, and he could have such a better life if he had someone who shares his passion. It might also make me feel a bit more comfortable without the feeling of inferiority. The cons just completely outdo the pros though... I just don't know what to do! HELP!?
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (23 February 2011):
It sounds to me that the main reason beind you wanting to break up is your feelings of being uncomfortable and insecure, not that your bf has given you some kind of indication that he would rather be with someone else, or isnt happy with you, is that right? I know you said that you think your bf might be happier with someone he can share his interests and passions with, but you don't say that any of these feelings come from him, you say that you think that he might be happier with someone else. Have you asked him? He is probably totally unaware that you have these feelings, and he might not feel that way at all.
Whatever his feelings are, they are a separate issue. It will be helpful to find out what he does feel, but for now lets focus on what you feel. You feel that in some way, you aren't good enough for him, and that his family might feel like you aren't good enough for him.
It is important for you to find ways of feeling secure in your life, and in your relationship. In a sense, it sounds like you want to end the relationship so you can stop feeling insecure in comparison to him. The problem is though that your insecure feelings will be there when you get into your next relationship. You don't want to start dating someone less wonderful so that you feel more comfortable in comparison, you want your boyfriend to be as great and wonderful as he can be and you want the same for yourself too. All you need to do is figure out all of the things that are wonderful about you being who you are, and use those things to remind yourself of how lucky your boyfriend is to have you as his girlfriend. They won't be the same things as the things that make him wonderful, and they don't have to be, we are all unique, and being different makes relationships interesting. Be grateful for his intelligence, knowledge, and passions, and be just as grateful for all of the qualities that you have that you bring to the relationship, such as your love, kindness and caring which are evident from your letter.
Learning to love and appreciate yourself is a life long activity, its worth developing it now.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, TeaLady  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Never ever give up the love of your life for anyone or anything...for darn sake it's your life.
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