A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, this is a long one, but I need some advice. I met this guy 8 years ago and I liked him straight away. I only knew him a while, but I felt this spark, or connection and even years later, if I heard his name or heard something that would relate to him I would think of him and get this odd feeling inside. Years later I met him again and it turned out he had the same feelings and thought the same about me for years, the only problem was he had had gotten married during in that time. I confessed how I felt and so did he and both admit that we should have told each other years before. Anyway, cut a long story short we fell in love and even though I know it is wrong that he was married, I knew he loved me had already told his wife he wasn't happy and that wanted out. We were together for months and I saw him most days, although after a few months he stopped calling as much. He has a lot of problems; I should point this out and is an alcoholic. So he kept saying he would leave and we'd move in etc etc, I mean were only mid 20's no kids and he has amazing high paid job, so money and things like that aren't an issue... Still nothing happened. Then I went travelling with some friends for few months and he swear blind he would get us a flat and sort it all out, but when I got home, nothing had changed. He also stopped calling me as much as he used to and I would go weeks without any reply to my contact. He still swore blind I am the one and that he loves me. Now it has been year and a half and I have a new job, where I am quite enjoying myself and I have moved into a flat with a friend and I have met someone else. He is lovely and sweet, but I can not help think his not the other one, I mean I get on really well with him, it's just that his not as cool, or good looking or as rich as the other one, altho we get on great and he treats me so well and I do like him. I am so confused. I mean I can't also help feeling like I am cheating on the other one, even though it's been 3 months since saw me and wont answer my calls (no splitting up, just ignoring me) He was due to see me last month and then at last minute, he said he couldn't because was scared, he still claims he loves me but he thinks I hate him after all that his done. I do not want to feel like I am cheating but I do not want to lose the new one, as he is so lovely and I am scared I will regret it. But at the same time I love the other one still and can’t help think he will contact me eventually and we will end up together and get married like I also knew we would. Am I being silly, should I give up and not lose someome who is good for me
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alcoholic, fell in love, money, moved in, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 What it comes down to is he is a married man who had an affair. And you are the other woman waiting for him to leave his wife to be with you.
Well..good luck with that because if he's ignoring you, most likely he's trying to send you a message.
I would not wait around for this guy. He's rich, good-looking,"cool". and HE KNOWS IT.
If he could do this to his wife..he might do it to you one day when you guys are "happily married"
I say wake up and smell the coffee. he's stringing you along. Forget about him, and concentrate on the guy that you have now. That's just my opinion. You don't have to take it.
A
female
reader, Angeleyes10 +, writes (4 August 2008):
I feel that you have to take control of this situation. One hand you have this first guy who although messes u around and disrespects you - ultimately is the the one you love and want othwaise = y wait around all thses years be living half a life..so u have to take control and set a date by which time to both make a date to commit and be together and make ur relationship work. If this does not happen - you have got the closure u need to go 4ward an make a life with somebody new. This being the current guy u with.. whilst u have this first guy in ur life - u will neva be emotionally free to give urself completely to the new guy. In time - u will love him completely and without distrsaction . Gud luk xx
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