A
male
age
36-40,
*oul83
writes:Things have come to a head recently with my gf. For a long time we have fought over what I think are small things like what time to come to bed, how to hang the washing etc etc.Just last night I informed her that I was going out with my mate and if she was ok about me going at 11:30. Said I would be home around 12:30. She called me near to 12:30 sounding very sleepy and asking me to come home because she was tired, missed me and wanted to be with me before her tour guide trip to singapore and malaysia. I asked her if I could have 1 more hour and she agreed. I should have pulled the plug on our meeting but I needed to discuss important information about retaining my job (which is on the line at the moment!).She seemed fine....let me say that sometimes I have been a bit slack with my timing and haven't been able to get home at a specific time (she doesn't consider circumstances outside my control like traffic jams!). Anyway, last night appeared to be the last straw. She told me to get home NOW. I said no problem my mate is paying the bill and i will be home around 1:30 but not exactly 1:30. This was not good enough! She couldn't sleep, is on her period (she gets raging tempers!) and has been working so many days straight (and is off to malaysia and singapore on sunday for 5 days).So she came out looking for me. When she saw me coming towards her, she threw down her bag and went mad ripping my shirt, screaming her head off, hitting me repeatedly and kicking. In bed she kept it up! Nightmare! Said while she was away on her last trip she let a Canadian man hold her, kiss her and take her to bed. I know that's bs because she knows of my previous insecurity and has tried to use the 'i'm sleeping with another guy behind your back' line when she gets angry and later apologises. I spoke to her about that in the past and she said she likes it when I'm strong and don't pay any attention to that.In the morning she also threw a glass of water over me in her rage (she explained of the time she got into big fights with her ex-bf and did a similar action). So I know of her strong personality and have been able to adapt to it in the past. But couldn't shake off the feeling that she was doing the wrong thing so have kept an eye on her computer activity and monitored her with a voice recording device in her bag.She again in the morning tried to talk to me and I tried my best to apolgise for being selfish and not coming home earlier to give her a good rest. She said I'm acting irresponsible and not caring about her. And that she cannot live with me anymore because I'm disrupting her life too much by keeping her awake and putting my foot down on who she talks to online (I don't want her going to online dating websites).So right now it's hard to guage if she will calm down enough, or if she will continue to be violent to me? If she'll get involved with foreigners on her trip (doubt she will have the time?). Actually, if she's the sort of person to just go out for a one-night stand then she's not right for me! After 6 months living together I know her very well and know that she says very immature things (I'm not naive like she reckons). She talked about not coming home for a month and telling her mother to go home. If her mother goes, I know it will be the end for certain - not something I want.I guess the question is if I should give her time on the trip to cool down? Trust that she won't run around with other men (after all, she'll be working until late most nights and need to accompany her tourists). She does seem to be able to flirt and attract men easily which has worried me from the beginning (but she's always been strictly tour guide-tourists).Or assume the end? I'm guessing she'll be cold to me until she leaves and no amount of actions will change it. She seems so adamant that she did the wrong thing on the Thailand trip - I refuse to believe it (otherwise I would be packed and gone).She's felt a lot of pressure with me lately (I feel most of it is from her work). And claims my timing = lack of living up to promises so she has had enough. We've had a couple of bad arguments in the past couple of months where she threatens to leave me and act single. Usually within a day or two we are right again.It's getting really crazy! I believe her that she is not messing around with other men because I'm at home every night with her which doesn't give her opportunity to do anything!!! And I trust her when she goes on tour. Maybe I am too naive? Bear in mind she has said many hurt words that she apologised for later. So I've become immune to them.She said we havent finished the argument and when she has energy she will continue...hmm?To stay or go? Give it time and hope for the best?
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flirt, her ex, immature, period, violent Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Honestly, let her go, there is soo much a man can take... what happens when a day you decide to retaliate towards her mood swings...you had done your best now its time to let her go... her trip to Malaysia would be sufficient enough for you guys to be apart
A
female
reader, prodigal0x  +, writes (14 May 2010):
To be honest, if shes going away on tour, then being away from you and the relationship is indefinitely going to give her time to cool down. But it might not be a good thing, the time away from you might just make her miss you and then she'll come back all apologies and loved up, for it to quickly go back to how it was. To me it sounds like shes the one in the wrong, I dont think you did anything bad and she completely overreacted. And some of the things she says about other guys, I think its a bit of a one way relationship with you making the effort and her taking advantage of the fact that she has you, she thinks she'll keep you and can treat you however. At the end of the day i think it comes down to whether you really want to be in this relationship. If you think you can deal with it and move past the arguing then thats fine. maybe even get some relationship counselling. But the situation in my opinion is that you've both got used to being with each other and you're still putting up with all this arguing because you're not ready to end it, not because you really want to be with each other.
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