A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I began dating someone I have been friends with for a few years. I had recently separeted from my husband and he and his ex wife were awaiting their divorce to be finalized. During the first 4 months, things were going really well. He has a female friend whom he is really close with. This didn't begin bothering me until recently. We would meet her out constantly. Suddenly, his actions were changing. He was becoming more distant and to me something didn't feel right. After a night that he didn't call me,(which is unusual) I called him and found out they were hanging out at his house alone ( I called his phone for 45 min,again unusual for him not to answer). I decided to check his email and found a few that the two of them had exchanged within a couple week timeframe they enjoyed their "one on one" time together and enjoyed the fact that one of them dreamt about the other. Also, the person I was seeing stated to his female friend that he thinks of her all the time. Since this happened, we are no longer together because he can't forgive me. I feel guilty, but I'm not really sure I should? Did I do something that another female in my position wouldn't do?
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): Thanks for your input....we are now hardly on speaking terms. He said that he hopes someday soon we can talk about things. I told him that it is his decision and he knows how to contact me. Haven't heard anything yet. Wonder if I ever will.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (10 March 2008):
 Hi there,
the one thing you need to do is let these two get on with it. He is an arsehole to start with, obviously having you hanging on is a little thrill for him that allows a certain excitement when chasing after his friend.
Now that you have found out, the game's up, they can only be together now, there's no sneaking around, no hidden text messages, no whispered phone calls, it will all become very boring for them as the excitement of the hidden relationship is now no more.
Move on and meet someone else, someone who doesnt have a female best friend.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Well, I tend to stay away from divorcing or separating guys because there is so much shit going on they don't even know what they want. You may have eased the pain for him during a difficult time and now that he is feeling better, thanks in part to you, he now is now coming out of it and wants a relationship with someone that has nothing to do with that "messy, painful time in his life".
They are definitely developing something while he is putting you further and further back on some shelf. Do you see a pattern here? He gets involved with you to help him out of a situation and now he is being helped out of another situation, this time out of your relationship.
His not forgiving you is a lame excuse because he was already falling for this other woman anyway.
The only thing you should feel guilty about is still hanging on and not MOVING ON.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Some people would say yes, some people would say no. Personally, I think what he did is worse than what you did, so what the heck gives him the right to complain? If he gave you reason to be worried and doubtful, then really it's your right to find out what's going on. Although, I'm a bit on both sides because I still don't believe going through someone's personal mail was the right plan of action to have taken.. But what else were you meant to do? I mean, it's not likely that suddenly he'll just come clean, and tell you what's been going on. So if he wasnt going to do that, then really you were left with no other choice.. If you feel guilty, then at least you have learned from the situation, and everything is sorted. And if you don't feel guilty, then I cant blame you because what you did was called for. At least you werent snooping around with other men, just his mail!
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