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Should I disclose why intimacy scares me?

Tagged as: Teenage, Troubled relationships, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 November 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ok, so my question is about being in a successful relationship. i'll admit that ya i'm a virgn and ya i tended to avoid relationships, but the thing is i've had a pretty messed up past. i was abused physically and emotionally and there are some other things. i really do want to be in a successful relationship but because of the things that happened i have a really hard time handling fights or screaming when it comes to a guy. and the things that have hapened more recently have caused me to have night terrors. so i'm afraid to ever stay over at a guy's house..it doesn't even have to be someone i'm involved in. so i'm wondering if i should tell the reason why intimacy scares me stupid or just not say anything and hope he doesn't notice

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks a lot for the advice CherryBoom...there's no one in particular at the moment but i want to at least have some idea of how i tell someone i like that sex isn't on the agenda for a long while

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A female reader, CherryBoom Nigeria +, writes (12 November 2009):

your welcome :)

I wouldn't wait till you have gotten over your fears. Because it is better if you have a partner who can support you.

How long do you know this person? If you know him for quite some time and you feel comfortable with him (meaning if you think you can trust him) then i would try to confide in him. But you should choose your words wisely, when you are going to tell him about your issue and you should also point out that you think you might be successful, as long as he is willing to go on this journey with you.

take care and i hope things will work out well for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks much...when would be a good point to tell him....i mean after i get over avoiding men like the plague.

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A female reader, CherryBoom Nigeria +, writes (8 November 2009):

hey, i can totally understand you. i too, have similar issues like you.

if you are to have a relationship with someone and it is going on well, then i think you should tell him at one point that you have fears, and he should try to understand and be patient with you. if a guy refuses to understand or support then you should leave him.

another good idea would be that you should go and consult a therapist, who will help you overcome your fears. i know it may seem difficult but it will help you because as soon as you overcome your fears, you can then have a successful relationship without any worries.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanx...but do i just tell them flat out or...

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