A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 20 years now and her interest in physical contact (hugging, sex, general closeness) has all but disappeared over the years. When we were dating it was much different. I still tell her everyday that I love her and think she is pretty(which I do), but nothing changes. I have never, nor would I ever, think of having an affair, but I am tired of having to beg for contact.No, every touch does not have to lead to sex.I just want to be close to the person that I love and am married to. I used to rub her feet and legs every night sitting on the couch, but I have quit offering as she does not feel the need to touch me anymore. No we have not both gained alot of weight lately. I have a few more years until our kids get out of school, but when they do, if things have not changed, then things will change, if you understand me.Any suggestionS?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I am a 43 year old woman, and I too dont want physical contact anymore. Sex too.
When we were married for about 3 years, every touch would lead to him getting aroused. Which I know should be a compliment, but sometimes women just want you to hold their hand, snuggle, hug, without feeling your stupid boner poking into you.
If I wasn't in the mood, he would tell me I could just lay there, like a blow up doll. His stupid boner would wake me in the night or morning. I guess some women like this, but I didn't.
He never seemed interested in had I had to say. He didn't help me with chores. He literally to this day will throw garbage on the floor (paper towels mostly) and leave them there for me. He does mow the lawn, rake, and shovels show. All the other jobs in the house are mine. I ask for help, but he says he'll "get to it" and never does.
I feel like his maid, his cook, his blow up doll. And that builds resentment. Doesn't he care about me? Doesn't he want to talk? Why doesn't he LISTEN when I talk? I must be such a bore.
I am married 18 years now. We've only had sex 2 or 3 times since January. (It is Oct.) And I don't care. Because I feel HE DOESN'T care.
Women don't want sex for a reason -- it is usually resentment built over time. Or maybe she was never attracted to you in the first place. Or maybe she doesn't love you anymore.
I wish my husband "got me," because I do want things to be different. But they never are.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 It sounds like you're in a rut. Things become routine and we become lazy toward eachother. Interestingly enough, the same lazy people are able to find sudden bursts of romantic energy if they ever hit the dating scene again.
It always seems so easy to treat the ones who have the biggest part in or lives like second class citizens. We often find ourselves talking to them in a way we'd never dream of talking to a stranger. This is because we take them for granted and "know" they'll be there in the morning.
If people spent just a little time maintaining a relationship, there would be more happy one out there. The grass is greenest where you water it!
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