A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've met and am in a new relationship with the most amazing, incredible man I have ever known. We both make each other very happy indeed and already have very strong feelings for one another. I feel very relaxed and comfortable around him and he is with me, and he is very open and honest with me. Both of can see a future together.My question is about my ex boyfriend, who I broke up with 3 years ago. We have always remained very close friends. I had a couple of boyfriends since and neither of them minded me staying in touch with my ex, who was in my life for such a long time as we were together for 11 years. We are strictly friends. But now I have met this amazing man, who I can see my future with, I am wondering whether it would be better to cut contact with my ex. Both my ex and my boyfriend are important to me, but I wouldn't want anything ruining this new relationship. I don't know what is for the best. Please help. The conversation about exes has not really come up into enough detail to bring this up, and I want to have an honest relationship with my lovely boyfriend. What is best?
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female
reader, chipmunk37 +, writes (27 September 2015):
 I suppose the question you have to ask yourself first is are you still attracted to your ex? is he still attracted to you? if the answer is yes but you don,t want to get back with him then distancing your self is a good idea. If you have zero attraction to your ex and likewise he has none for you then it is okay to remain friends just make it clear to your new special someone that you ex is just a friend now and nothing more. If he needs reassurance explain to him why you and your ex broke up. It was no doubt a strong reason if you ended an 11 year relationship because of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): Op here:
I think I have my answer...I just wanted a bit of encouragement /advice as to what is best. I want to move forwards with my new boyfriend, baggage free. Thank you all :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2015): It's best to minimize how close you may have been; so that you don't feel compelled to choose between the past and the present.
Your ex is a friend, and that's all. He's also someone you had to breakup with. Unless your feelings linger in the wrong areas; distancing him while you concentrate on the present shouldn't bother you that much. So what if it was 11 years?! You weren't married and you don't share kids;or you didn't mention children.
Moving on sometimes means leaving old lovers behind. You've met the man of your dreams; and old boyfriends really are better left in the past. I've met the greatest guy, and the only other men in my life are those I've never slept with.
Don't judge how he should feel about your ex by other guys you've dated. They're history too! There was a reason they didn't last either. The last thing I would do is concern myself about how my new boyfriend will adjust to my ex-boyfriend. He's an "X" for a reason! The man you see your future with is all that matters. He doesn't have to like nor accept your exes. If your ex knows how to stay out of your business; and you don't run back discussing your personal love-life, all should be fine.
Men are naturally competitive and protective of our mates. You're correct in the assumption that he shouldn't feel insecure; but there should be no conditions set that he should have to put-up with some guy from your past always hovering over your relationship. There always has to be room for Mr. Ex! Seriously?!!
The best romances are those that start-out with the least amount of baggage, minus old girl/boyfriends, and unnecessary complications. I'm not saying you should straight-out dispose of the guy; I mean let him fade into the past. Sometimes guys get jealous and resentful, getting their nose rubbed in their failure. Some great guy comes along to show him up.
Travel light into your new relationship.
Good luck, sweetheart! I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 September 2015):
 I don't think there is one answer to this.
Some people are capable of being platonic friends (and no more)with an ex, some are not. Some always have a component of flirting, sexual banter etc.
I'd talk to your BF how he feels about being friends with an ex. And IF he is OK with it, you need to extend him the same courtesy.
In general though, I think keeping exes around in your life is rare a great idea. In your case it seems like you have both moved on and are no more than JUST friends.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 Are you sure your other 2 exes didn't mind you staying friends with you ex. They might have approved of your friendship but it could be just lip service to avoid sounding controlling . In secret they might think to themselves "whassup with this closeness between the two, I'm outta there." but used something else as reasons to break up. Whatever you do is a risk because some men are okay with friendships with exes but some aren't. You don't want to date a few more men, break up, then wonder if your ex was the real reason. I think you should talk in general about whether men and women can be friends then really pay attention to his body language as well. If he doesn't stay friends with his exes and does not believe in keeping in contact, then it would be an issue and it would feel unfair for him if you maintain contact with your ex.
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