A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So there's this guy that I dated (we went out for a total of about 7 times). He stopped contacting me about a month and a half ago for some reason which I don't know why. I was really really attracted to him and since my last relationship of about 1 1/2 ago I havn't had a boyfriend or sex with anyone. I can't stop thinking about this guy and it's obvious he doesn't want a relationship with me since he stopped contacting but I was thinking of calling him and asking him if he just wants to have casual sex. I am very attracted to him and I feel like maybe at this time in my life this is what I want. do you think this is a good idea? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 May 2012):
 You are beating a dead horse, give it up.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 It's best for you to let this go totally. He has made it very clear he's not interested at all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): "Do you think it is ok for me to call him and ask him out for a casual day out?"
OP there you go again with the word "casual", I have to say 6 weeks this guy has blown you off and you're still so very much attached that you really want to see him. Again what's casual about that?
If you were casual about this or even could be casual there is no way in hell you'd give this much thought to a guy who stopped trying 6 weeks ago.
I think you're grasping at straws here OP, forgive me for saying it but if you were my friend I'd laugh and tell you how desperate you sound. As it is I don't know you but I think any contact with this guy is bad idea, you quite simply like him too much and he doesn't like you enough, you're putting yourself in a position where he holds all the power. He can take whatever he wants from you OP and you will give it if he even shows the tiniest sign that you may stand a chance. I make it a rule never to pursue a person that's not on an equal footing with me. I have, I'm ashamed to say, in the past used girls who so obviously wanted anything they could get from me that they were willing to let me have them, even though I knew from the outset I would never want more. They made it too easy for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 OP, it's better you don't do it.
First, you'd be courting rejection. Let's be frank, OP- if this guy did not bother to show up anymore even for the sake of having sex, imagine if he is a hurry to take you for a stroll in the park or whatever is it that you want to do with him.
Second, even if he says yes, what's the point. Do you want to stay friends with this man ? OP, not only " staying friends " with someone you have the hots for , and maybe seeing him dating other people, it's the equivalent in satisfaction of taking a hammer and driving it on your toe .And then, you'd never manage to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 OP, this guy has made it clear as day that he doesn't want to date you or be friends with you.
He has not contacted you for 6 weeks - that is a massive sign to say he isn't interested.
You really need to accept this and move on.
"Do you think it is ok for me to call him and ask him out for a casual day out?"
WHY do you want to do this? As friends, or as a way to try and get him to date you again?
Could you deal with JUST being friends, seeing him date other women, putting other women before you?
I have been there. Been the best friend to a guy I fancied, and believe me it hurts like hell. You always think he will suddenly realise the error of his ways and fall for you, but he doesn't, because he does not feel the same way about you as you do about him.
I got over him. I now have the most amazing man in my life who I love more than anything and who treats me like a princess and loves me for me.
This guy does NOT like you or want to be with you. I know it hurts, but it is time to move on, for your own sake.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your responses. I will definitely not call him for that because I don't want to get hurt in the end and I want to maintain my self respect-whatever is left of it with him.
But I do have one question. Do you think it is ok for me to call him and ask him out for a casual day out?
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Offering casual sex when you really like someone but they don't like you in the same way...well it's gonna get ugly!!!
Is this what you REALLY want or do you think it will just give you an opportunity to win him over??...it won't work like that...he will just think your desperate.
Cherish your self respect, it's hard to get back once it's gone!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): No OP, read your post out loud to yourself right now and tell me if there's anything casual about how you talk about him. Seriously read it out. There isn't is there?
So how do you think you can have casual sex when you're feelings for him are far from casual.
You want him, so you're trying to convince yourself to settle for an arrangement you think he'll agree to because you'll take what you can get.
6 weeks and you're still trying to find ways to win him over, there's nothing casual about that so casual sex is out of the question.
"I feel like maybe at this time in my life this is what I want."
Then find someone you don't care this deeply for OP. Find someone who you have a casual emotional connection to.
Don't think for one second that sleeping with him will fulfil your longing for him and give you what you need. It'll just make things grow, you'll fall in love with a guy who hasn't even been bothered to contact you in the past 6 weeks, very, very bad idea.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 It's a fine idea if you are convinced that the "price" for s*x is your soul and self-esteem.....
"Casual sex"..... "FWB" arrangements almost always end with one of the participants (most often the woman, according to what I've seen on this site....) hurt and/or angry..... If you are happy with those odds, then have at it.....
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 May 2012):
No. If he has stopped contacting you out of the blue, I must have either found someone else or simply gotten tired of you ( and not respected you enough to tell you honestly ).
So, it's not like you are offering him something he'll be overjoyed about. Of course, very few men would reject a chance for casual sex served to them so nicely on a silver platter , but he may take it without all the enthusiasm you would deserve, and that would leave you wide open to sexual and emotional exploitation , and basically under his thumb.
Casual sex works fine only if both parties are more or less at the same level of mutual appreciation. In your case YOU like him a lot, you want him, you miss him... and he feels much less.
I think you are going to get hurt.
...............................
|
