A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts and uncles,I think I'm in deep with this one. Someone I met through work recently started talking to me a lot more than they used to. We had a flirty relationship at work but he was like it with everyone so no one took it too seriously. Well our recent conversations took a turn and ended up going south. We both enjoyed them but in that back of my mind it came to me that he is married. I asked if his wife knew he was talking to me and he said no she didn't. He described it as two friends having fun every now and then.Don't get me wrong i understand what's wrong here but it was so much fun doing what we are doing I'm finding it hard to stop. I'm at his party this weekend with all his family that i have never met, as he is moving abroad next month. On our last conversation he asked if I thought we could find enough time to sneak off together at the party.I was surprised and shock and told him as much but he laughed and brushed the comment aside after agreeing we would both end up in trouble. He has agreed to behave while I am there but I don't know if he will, my boyfriend is coming with me and is completely aware of the situation. Should I carry on until he leaves and let it die out or do I tell him it's wrong? He is quite a dominate character and enjoys taking control but not sure how he would take it if I told him we can't carry on.Any ideas? Thanks in advance
View related questions:
at work, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 Why the concern about safety ? What can he do if you just ditch him ? He is the one who is married and who cares about staying married, reason why his wife never knew he was " talking " to you , and why he does not want to risk geeting " in trouble ". He sure has no interest in making waves and outing himself.
He could perhaps ,out of spite, rat you out to your bf , but you say he is completely aware of the situation, so that too is not a threat to you.
Moreover, if this guy is anyway leaving in one month and so far you have been just his little sexcapade, I strongly doubt he'll be SO affected by your pulling back. One more month, one less, what could he possibly care after all ? What's the difference to him ?
So, unless of course there are lots more of relevant info you haven't shared with us, ...I'd say, keep it simple, get disentangled fast , and start by NOT showing up at the party. It should not be that difficult ( at least if there isn't other stuff which we don't know ) because , unless it's YOU that want to creata drama, he surely won't be keen to create any .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Now we get more details. You don't know how to end it, and he has your personal information.
First, ask him to please leave you alone or you will be forced to notify authorities. How does he not leave you alone? If you explain this in detail and with some consistency; then maybe other aunts will have some way of helping you.
Keep record of text messages and voice-mail. Then show them to the police; if you feel they are threatening or too explicit.
Stop sending mixed signals. You're asking if you should go to a party, then say you want to get away from him. That apparently isn't the message he's getting from you. Read your posts and try and see if you can possibly explain this so aunts and uncles know what it is you're looking for as advice. Either you're making this up as you go; or you're not telling the truth.
Try just a bit of common sense. Ignore him and he'll go away.
I think this is as far as I can go with this.
I wish you best of luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLike I tried to clarify in my last post, I want an end to it but not sure how to go about it, telling me to stop the relationship is irrelevant. This guy knows my personal details (someone else gave them too him) how do I end the relationship safely that's all I want to know
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): The aunts and uncles provide advice based on the information you provide in your post. If you leave out a lot of information, you get few responses, or none at all.
Your question has been up for a few days. Not too many aunts are responding; perhaps because you didn't offer much detail. Just that you were talking to a married man at work. Then you conveniently added he left in February.
Don't ask for advice if you don't want straight-up answers.
The point of advice is to inform, enlighten, and to offer guidance with a difficult problem. To provoke you to think when you may not be thinking clearly; or about to make a big mistake.
The advice remains the same. You shouldn't go to the party.
If you're not sure of how he will behave. There will be alcohol served, and that will lower inhibitions. You are obviously attracted to him, and he has propositioned you.
He is a married man. That doesn't excuse you to make yourself available.
His wife is the absent person in this situation; and you really know nothing about her accept what he told you. How do you really know they're in an open relationship? If he isn't just making it up? He could have told you a lot of crap; because he thinks you're gullible and horny.
He will tell you anything to get you into bed. You should always be professional on your job. That means keeping personal matters in their proper place, and being on your best behavior at the workplace.
Most businesses discourage flirting, because it leads to sexual harassment suits. They don't need, nor want, the liability of some female claiming some guy was coming on to her.
As for this complicated and convoluted marital situation you describe between the man and his wife. You're better off staying out of it regardless. You asked him if his wife knew about you and he said she didn't. She may not know they have an open relationship either.
You got advice based on your comments. I still say, stay out of it. He is a married man. Why attach feelings to someone already taken. He can't just walk away from his wife. What if she decides she doesn't like you? She may judge you a lot harsher that anyone here.
Don't go tot he party. Be professional at work. Don't be a home-wrecker.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is no need to insult my character, there is more backstory to this which I haven't shared due to time. I don't work with him anymore he left his job in February. Also his wife doesn't know about me but she is in an open relationship with him as he is bisexual and has certain sexual desires that she can't help him with.Also my question at the end is that as he is quite a dominate character I don't know how he would take it if I told him it was over, any ideas?That indicates I want an end to it but I am concerned how to go about it. I've noticed on a few post, people make a judgment call on the person rather than offer advice. If you want to help people then go for it but If you want to call people names and say they lack character, morals or dignity and so on then don't post on a site to help people, that's not helping.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): Simple answer. Don't go to the party. Be professional at work.
Don't be a home-wrecker.
...............................
|
