A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I was planning to move across the country in 2 weeks time to the small town where my partner lives to start the rest of our lives together.. Marriage, family, picket fence etc.. 2 days ago I read through his sent messages on his phone. I found 4 messages to 4 recipients that were individually written but went like this “Hi, saw your ad in the paper. Wondering what you guys do and how much you charge. I’ll be in Perth Monday night and looking for some company”. I confronted him with the messages and his reasoning was that it was nothing and just that he got a ‘thrill’ out of it. He says he would never act on it and that he didn’t even get any replies. I don’t know if I should give him the benefit of the doubt and move my life to him or if he is lying through his teeth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This type of thing doesn't go away. Once a guy gets into it, he has a hard time leaving it alone. I also know this heartache and I gave my ex more than one chance to get counseling and quiting this aweful practice, he just couldn't. Find yourself a good man, you deserve it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your responses.I went to the doctors yesterday and had bloods and swabs taken to test for STD's.. I get the results on friday.We have been on/off since 1998 and this isn't the first time he has lied/cheated me so it really shouldn't come as a surprise. I just really wanted him to have changed and there are so many things about him that are perfect, it's hard to shut him out for good. After reading your advice and responses i have decided that i won't be going anywhere with him. I don't buy his story in the slightest and as upset as i am, i am exreamly relieved that i found out sooner rather than later. I am very lucky to have caught him out.If he would admit that he has a problem, we could take steps to fix it. But because he is sticking so strongly to his story of innocence he has closed to door to repair us forever.Again, thank you so very much. You have helped me more than i could have imagined.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): You must have had a hunch about something to look through his phone (not a criticism as I always think you should act on instincts). I would no way on this earth trust that guy. You would give up pretty much 'everything' for someone that was prepared to cheat on you - even emotionally? His text message sounded deliberate and business like to me - a man on a mission. Not some cheap virtual thrill. You will make your own choice of course but as an opinion? I would find someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): be careful! From my experience if he has lied once he will again. You cant trust him enough to move in together yet because I can bet there will be more he is hiding.
Could he have done it as a joke? Some guys do that just to be stupid.
If he is lying to you, you could be at risk of STD's. And I agree with Denizen. Please be careful. Take care.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I would delay your move. The fact that this happened at all, whether or not he intended to act on it, suggests some subtext. And in the future will you ever be certain that things aren't going on behind your back.If you want to move make certain you are secure - that you have your own job and a place to live that doesn't depend on him, otherwise you could be in a difficult situation if things go wrong. I think the fact that you have written in suggests you already realise this.
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