A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:pls help be4 i make a mistake im madly in love with this man my husband and i been trying to make this right from the shock of his cheating that was found out 2 weeks after we got married he was still sleeping with his ex. i have tryed to heal but she seems to stick around from his sister working with her to when we fight he calls her . he says he loves me but i have a feeling im only with him because i have the babys and she couldnt he says he dont care but today at his mothers house i was putting away sheets t find he still has all there love letters and even there old bills everything he was only defencive to the fact of getting rid odf them i dont want to fource him thats something you do out of ur own readyness and it seens he is not wanting to let her go. i think i need to let him go so so he can go where its clear his heart is he says im wrong and im a tripper im making a mistake and ill be sorry sure i dont want to let go but also i dont want to live knowing he belongs some where else ,, what woulkd you do
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female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (29 July 2012):
 you are such a beautiful big hearted person. If my husband did that I would be sitting in jail now for murder, not wishing the best for him.You are also very wise, and your instinct is right; it's time to let him go. He has no respect for you, and that is not a healthy relationship for the baby. The baby needs to grow up knowing that a woman aught to be treated with respect.You deserve to be very angry about this, but one day when you value yourself more you will see that.I wish I could be loved by someone with a heart like yours.
A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (27 July 2012):
I dont like the fact that he threatened you. somthing not right . i agree with one of the answers here that he should have just come out clean ratter then defensive . I say you love this man so dont him ask to choose, I say in very kind and stright manner , tell him that you love him and that you are willing to let go, set him free so he could be with who he loves and wants to be with and if that person happens to be you, he have has to let go of the past, and be there with you in the present and the near future. Give him time to decide. good luck Hope things ture out good for you i know its not easy to let go someone you are in love with but sometimes it just the best thing to do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 July 2012):
 Sorry, I would end it now. I would NOT want to live my life with a guy who shows me I'm second choice, second best. Who is still dilly dallying with the "ex".
I'd leave, divorce him and find my own happiness. Whatever he does.... that is on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): Yeah I think its ultimatum time. Say to him its either his ex, or you and basically keep it as simple as that.Whatever choice he makes, you'll know where he truly wants to belong.What I mean by choice though, is if he wants to be with you, he breaks ALL contact with his ex and gets rid of any physical memories and reminders he has of her and when they were together. Not choose to be with you then go behind your back again with her or secretly keep these love letters and such and tell you he has rid of them.You need to be strong and firm with him now, don't allow him to call the shots and don't allow your feelings to get in the way of you doing what is right for you. Just because you love him, doesn't mean you have to put up with being second best. He's your husband not hers. He made a commitment before god - to you, not her.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (26 July 2012):
 When you got married you did not sign up for sharing your man with another woman. Exactly what does he mean when he says "You'll be sorry"? This sounds like a threat. He should be telling you that he loves you, he wants the marriage, and he doesn't want to lose you, but instead he tells you you'll be sorry.
I would leave him, even if it is just to separate for awhile to make sure that is what you really want. He doesn't sound like a positive influence in your life or someone who is really working to keep you together as a couple.
Do you have any friends or family you could stay with for awhile? I would start making plans to get out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 July 2012):
 It sure "sounds" as if he and the -ex are carrying some dangerous coals around.... and either could be prepared to use them to stoke a good, roaring fire..... HE has never REALLY cast his lot with you, in earnest...
YOU need to decide if you want to continue in your current situation... sort of like you're in parentheses in his (and her, -ex's) life...
It's really your initiative to decide this.... AND, should you choose to do so, note that you MUST "put your foot down" and explain to hubby that he MUST make a decision (between you). Men hate such decisions, so be prepared for a "non-decision".... and don't settle for it!!!!!
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 This really is a hard one, but you need to decide it for yourself. Just because he has past memories of her does not mean that he belongs with her, but it is a bad sign that once you both have an argument he goes running to her. He needs to make his mind up finally and I think you need to be firm and strong with him. Explain to him you cannot live your life like this always thinking that he wants her not you. Give him a choice, tell him it is either you or her, and if he picks you then he needs to lose all contact with her for the sake of your marriage and to give it a chance to work. If he will not lose the contact then if it was me I think I would leave.
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