| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: My fiance is starting to really pissed me off, and making me second guess my future with him!I am so TIRED of having to be his "mother" in EVERYTHING! Whenever I have to go to work, and hes home all day, I have to write a little list of things that need to be done around the house, b/c if i don't..i'll come home, with him sleeping or playing video games with the house more trashed than it was that morning!He never does his classwork, I have to constantly remind him "Honey remmeber to come home early from work today...you have an essay due, quiz, test, and book questions.", and I have to remind him atleast 3 times a day, so he won't forget! (...and he doesn't even do half of it.) He failed a class last qaurter! You would think he would learn his lesson!If he has an appointment, or has something to do, I have to make sure he shaves, get a shower, and i have to force him to get a hair cut!I love him, I really do! But something has to change! My friends tell me I should just stop telling him, and let him figure it out on my own. But this is MY future at steak here! If he goes down the shit hole, I will too!
View related questions:
fiance, video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, higgy  +, writes (15 April 2011):
I use to be in a relationship with a guy like that. I finally dumped him because it got to the point that he wouldn't even work and I was having to pay my bills plus his. I realized that I was only 21 I shouldn't be acting like I was a mother of a 23 year old, I should be enjoying my life. It was the best thing I've ever done. It was like a boulder was off my chest and I could relax and enjoy my life again.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 If he goes down the shithole you don't go down too. You're not married to him, thats why. He's not your responsibility! And to be blunt, he's not ready to get married yet. So for yours, and his, best interest: stay engaged for some years. Have a long engagement. He just needs to grow up. It usually demands him reaching 25+ years of age.
Do stop telling him. It might hurt for a bit, like ripping off a band aid, but it needs to be done. He wont learn if you baby him! He needs to get these things by himself, or else you are looking at a life of constantly doing this for him, or having it escalate to you just doing it all by yourself because you do it better than him anyhow.
You want a man that takes responsibility and gets things done by himself? Let him. It's not your problem if he messes up, he needs to mess up in order to learn from his mistakes. It's common knowledge that pampered children don't understand squat about real life, and women who fake orgasms don't get a real one either because the men never get a chance to try doing it properly! He needs to live it and learn it. You'll get disappointed at first, but then by the time he reaches adulthood (25+) he'll have learned.
Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remind yourself that this is HIS problem, HE needs to learn and deal with it, and it is not going to drag you down because you are not married and you do not depend on him, or should at least not depend on him to that degree yet.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy. He's not mature enough to prioritize things in his life, or rather his priorities are different than yours. You are perpetuating the problem and that's why what your friends say is correct. He has to learn his lessons, and he'll never learn them if you carry him. Some people only learn the hard way. Perhaps losing everything will be the wake up call he needs.
You don't need to break up with him, but I'd separate your life from his some. Get your own place, and don't be his mother. You want a partner, not an adult baby, right?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 April 2011):
Do you not think that this is a sign that you shouldn't be marrying him? I don't think he has the mental capacity to deal with single life, let alone married life. I think you're setting yourself up the longer you stay with him.
...............................
|
