A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 13 years. We have a pretty honest relationship and we have sex about once a week. I know my husband looks at porn and has for years. It doesn't bother me. However there are times when he has problems keeping an erection during intercourse. I asked him to cut down on the amount of porn to see if it would help, and it did for a while. But the problem is back again, we talked about it and he said that sometimes I'm tighter than other times. I had to use his laptop cause mine was broke and I found a ton of nude pics of himself and some masturbation videos. I looked around for any evidence of him being unfaithful. The only thing I found was a phone video of a girl doing things to her own butt. So I looked some more and I quickly realized that he deletes all his history. I asked him about it and he swears it was downloaded off of a pop up site and that he deletes the history so it won't slow down his computer. The night before, he told me that a friend asked if we were swingers. We discussed it at length and I'm thinking that although it sounds intruiging, it'll destroy our marriage. This all is getting to be a bit overwhelming and I feel that if I don't agree to swing, he'll cheat on me anyway (if he already hasn't). I would appreciate any feedback from men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Sex can be addictive for some people. What are you doing at night when he is on his laptop downloading pictures and masturbating? This is something that he is doing 'away' from you. The problem may not be the sex, it maybe the lack of involvement you both have.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Your question deserve longest possible answer, because you display some positive attitude with your husband's desire. Here is my answer.1.First thing must come first, following by second and third.The first thing is about sexual activity, second is your relations. If you reverse this placing, you will end with confusion.2 Erection problem of your husband is normal, it came with age, and will solve in due time also, so I have nothing to say in this matter. But, watching porn and nude pics is important. Why? answer is simple, it give some spark, which is lost in routine sexual activity.And, he think about group [in couple] sex to have more spark.3.You decide to or think to join with him with idea 'Sharing is better then being cheated'. Your reasoning is good, but not strong, and not in ordered.4.Sexual activity has no power to hurt or destroy anything, even relationship, if lead with clear vision. This is truth, because sex organ has only one attribute: To give pleasure to the mind. It has no other attribute that can destroy anything, but reversal is truth, it create life or force of life.5. Why your husband want swinging? think about reason: To get more spark...real wanting is 'light' not momentary spark, which you experienced in routine.6. It will prove good, if you share all ideas with your husband quite honestly, with positive mind. Even swinging will not destroy your relationship, but it will strengthen your relation. Husband and wife are meant to share this sexual/spiritual realm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Its time you were honest with yourself. I think you may be on the brink of changing yourself to suit his desires and end up very hurt and resentful in the process. Swinging may sound like fun but you need to ask yourself if that meets your values and boundaries in a relationship. Do you want to have sex with another man or even woman? Don't forget that once done, it cannot be undone. Also - that if you go into another relationship because your marriage fails over this, other people may be concerned at your actions. Be true to yourself at all costs. I think your husband has already gone down a pathway regarding his sexual behaviours and you need to be concerned that he clears his history nightly. The history does not slow down the computer - there would have to be a lot of history to do that. He clears his history for a reason - to hide what he has been looking at. I agree with the other post - you need to talk. But I would come to your decision about how YOU want your life to be first and if you now want different things maybe its time to part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): thank you for your response. i know he loves me, i'm just concerned about his fantasy world. he's told me that he's checked into certain "clubs" and he has done some "story" blogging on some sites, he's even shown me the pictures of himself that he's posted. No face or manhood parts are shown. i'm just wondering if this fantasy world is getting out of control, it seems to be progressing rapidly. what do you think about him clearing his history nightly? thanks again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
You wanted an opinion from a male, so here you go. Do not go into swinging. You are right, it will destroy your marriage and I think you know deep down it is not for you. Clearly, what's more important now is that you and your husband have a big talk about where all this is leading. You need to know how he feels about you, you need to know that you can trust him, you need to know what he wants from this marriage. Don't be conned by your husband into thinking that it will all be better if you suddenly get into cheating. If you want this marriage to continue, both of you need to get talking. And that may mean counselling. But don't swing just for his sake. After all, how do you really think you will feel knowing he is with another woman? Not great. Get talking to him instead.
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