A
male
age
30-35,
*onfusedandHeartbroken
writes: Hello. What just happened between my girlfriend and I came as a huge shock, and now I am confused as to what to do. We've been dating for about 9 months now, and she just recently told me that she cheated on me 2 weeks AFTER we started dating. I even met the guy with her two days later, and she introduced him as her lifelong friend. I was cool with him at first, and I even hung out with him while his baby's mother went shopping with my girlfriend. About a month and a half into the relationship, I found text messages on her cell phone. They were love notes sent between her and this guy. At first I didn't think she cheated on me, and I confronted her about the text messages, we argued about it, and I eventually got over it. She stopped seeing the guy, except they still talk on the phone every once in a while. However, she just recently told me while we were arguing about something completely different that she slept with him two weeks after we met, and that she didn't think we would last this long. It really comes as a surprise that she did this, as she just doesn't seem like the type. I also love her more than anything, but she doesn't want to believe me. After she told me this, I said we're breaking up, but when I went to her house to pick up my stuff, I decided to put it on hiatus for a few days or a week or so... Now I am just trying to decide what to do about it... It really did break my heart to find this out, but I've also thought about the circumstances: She did this when we FIRST met, and it was with a longtime "friend." I've also fooled around with other people in this span, but I've never gone the full mile, if you know what I mean. Most of me wants to break it off and find a new love, but a small part of me still feels that I should stay. We've become very attached to each other over the months since, and it's actually become very hard to imagine my life right now without her, but I'm just angered that she would keep it from me for so long! She gave me so many lectures about how I need to start trusting her and all that bullshit, and I even asked her if she fucked him, and she said once when they were younger, in high school or something. She left the recent time out, and lied to me. I feel like I have fallen in love with a lie, but I know for a fact that we could NOT have faked the moments we've had together. I really don't know what to do, and I'm stressed out with all of life's other problems at the moment, too. All I want are suggestions on what to do, whether or not it feels right to stay even though I've been cheated on. If you have any tips, then please help me, I feel lost right now.
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male
reader, ConfusedandHeartbroken +, writes (22 June 2009):
ConfusedandHeartbroken is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat still doesn't answer the question though. They're completely different things. I can't compare a woman to the possessions of my home. It's deeper than that. Since we've met we've almost become inseparable... I leave for 24 hours and she calls me wondering where I am and why I haven't called her. I practically lived at her place for months, free of rent. On top of that, I'm also guilty of giving in to temptation on more occasions than she, so this incident hasn't broken me as much as it would have if I had stayed more loyal. I think because we're both guilty but very happy together, that there might still be a chance. I can tell you one thing, though: I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again. To lie for this long is bothersome, though I have done almost the same. I came clean on my part when she told me, and she was really angry about it, but willing to move on. She asked me for forgiveness, told me she wants to "salvage" this relationship. These lines are very typical, yet I am so confused as to what to do...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): What if a friend of yours admitted that he robbed your house two weeks after you got to know each other, saying "Well, at the time I didn't think I'd be such good friends with you this long!"
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