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male
,
anonymous
writes: i have been living with a 50 year old lady that i knew for the past 6 years. we believe we are soul mates and plan to get engaged and eventualy married. i have however over the past 6 months become aware that she is in touch with many of her ex lovers who she classes as freinds together with alot of other men she has dated. she emails them and gets txts back.she is very particular in that the rules she said we should have is no lovers in our mobile phone books etc only freinds. im starting to think that double standards are applying here and that she has an emotional need. i do not feel safe with her long term now. what advice can you give in dealing with this problem as i believe the past should be put in the past and dealt with, she appears not to be dealing with it very quick despite wanting to marry.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (22 December 2005):
Put your cards on the table. Tell her to stop what she is doing or you will walk out. That is the only way you will find out how much you mean to her.
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (22 December 2005):
 If she said no ex's only friends, then her calling them all friends sounds a bit convenient for her. While in some cases people remain great friends with some ex's I do not feel like keeping in touch with a lot of them is fair to the new relationship. You need to talk to her, you say you think she has a need, find out what this need is and how you can fulfill it so she does not need all of her ex's. In the end if she can't stop contact with most of them and you can't feel safe in the relationship, you may have to face that it is not meant to be. But I definitely would not end it without trying to figure out why she is doing it and if she can give them up for you. Good luck.
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